How it ends and begins
by HildeMarie
Summary: The story starts after the last episode, Angela is confused because of the letter....
1. Chapter 1

_This story starts right after the last episode. I've given Jordan the following background: He lives alone with his father, Gino, who lost his job almost 6 months ago. Gino doesn't deal with being unemployed very well and starts drinking. The only money earned for the household is what Jordan makes on his job at his uncles garage. He even manages to save a few dollars each month, that is father doesn't know about._

_Dedicated to fellow MSC and 30 Seconds to Mars addict MayraLuz. _

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**….how it ends and begins**

_"in the end, all you're left with is the beginning"_

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**Chapter 1**

"Stop the car!" Angela suddenly bursts out. Jordan jams the breaks, almost hitting his head on the steering wheel. "What the f…." He mumbles and turns to her with a confused look on his face. "I can't do this, I can't like deal with you right now…" She starts to get out of the car as she speaks. Jordan shuts down the engine and gets out as well, not thinking twice about the fact that his beloved car actually is in the middle of the street. "Angela, what…." "Just go, Jordan!" Angela refuses to look at him, and is obviously struggling to keep her voice calm. "But I…." He feels like all ability to speak more than two words together has been taken from him.

A few meters away, Brian Krakow is observing their every move with great interest. "Just go!" Angela raises her voice and starts to walk away. Brian looks at Jordan with a satisfied smirk on his face. "Looks like she doesn't want you after all, now go!" He says in a triumphant tone. Jordan just sighs and gets into the car. He certainly isn't in the mood for arguing with silly Krakow, and decides to go straight home and call Angela from there, maybe then she'll speak to him. There has to be an explanation for this, there has to be….

"Angela!" Brian runs after her, trying to grab her arm. She turns around looking at him with eyes full of anger and confusion. "Get lost Krakow! You're like so the last person I want to see right now. You've like ruined my life!" Angela shakes him off and runs past him up the stairs of her house, slamming the front door behind her.

"Angela?" Patty lifts her head from the newspaper she was reading, and looks at her oldest daughter with a surprised smile. "Were you not going out with Jordan? Did you forget something?" Angela just shakes her head and starts climbing the stairs to her room. "I need to be alone, please mum!" The doorbell and the phone rings almost at the same time. Patty gets up and answers. "Chase. Oh hello Jordan!" She really wants to ask him what had happened, but something in his voice tells her not to. "Can you hang on just a second, there's somebody at the door?" "Angela, Jordan's on the phone!" She shouts to her daughter, while opening the front door.

Brian is standing there with a concerned look. "I just came over to check on Angela, to see how she is doing after what that jerk Catalano did to her." He lies, but he knows it is probably the only way to get in. "Oh, ok, just go right up, Brian, she is in her room." "Angela, visitor!" She shouts. Patty picks up the phone again. "Jordan, sorry to keep you waiting…." There's no one at the other end. "You better not tell Angela he called, she'll only get more upset." Brian says. "I'll go talk to her now." He runs up the stairs and enters Angelas room without knocking. She's lying flat on her back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. "Brian?" She jumps up, her eyes darken in anger, but not before he catches a glimpse of the sadness in them. For a moment he feels guilty. Then she starts yelling at him. "What are you doing here? Don't you know that it's polite to like knock before you enter somebodys room?" "But I just wanted to see how you were doing…" "Like you care! Don't make me laugh…. I hate you! No, wait, I don't…" At this point a small smile is starting to form in Brians face, but it quickly fades as Angela continues. "…I like….nothing you! You used me, and you used Jordan, and I already told you I don't want you here! Now leave!" She's crying now, but stands up and starts pushing Brian towards the door.

Jordan still has the phone in his hand. He had heared everything Brian had said, and frankly he felt like he was going to be sick. The thought of Brian and Angela together makes him sad and jealous at the same time. It is obvious what this is all about: Angela must have discovered the truth about the letter. Jordan could kill himself for not coming clean at once. He had started to tell her, but she had interrupted him, and she had looked so happy. He just couldn't bring himself to remove the sparks in her beautiful eyes, besides, he whispers to himself, it's not like I didn't mean what was in the letter, I meant every little part of it. When I first read it, it felt so right, it was exactly what I wanted to say, I just don't know all the big and fancy words that Brian does. How was I supposed to know that Brian was merely using me to express his own feelings towards Angela.

"I can't loose her! I just can't!" Jordan mumbles to himself as he leaves his room to go get started on dinner. He doesn't get far….

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_So...what do you think? I can't wait to hear ;) This first chapter is kind of an introduction. MSCL is the best!_


	2. Chapter 2

_I thought I_ _might as well give you the second chapter straight away to get the story going more. Please read & review to let me know what you think!_

_I have named Jordans father Gino, don't remember if his name was ever mentioned in the series. Jordan and his unemployed father lives alone. Ever since Gino lost his job, his drinkingproblem has become more and more obvious..._

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**Chapter 2**

"Where the hell have you been? Do you want your old man to starve? I've been waiting for you for over an hour!" Jordan tries to get past his father. "I've benn out, there was something I like had to do, ok? I'm starting on the food now." The next thing he knows he's smashed up against the wall. "Hey! What'd you do that for?" Jordan says, shaken and confused. "You talking back to you old man, now? Getting cheeky with me? You know I won't have it!" Gino lets go of his son. "Did you go to work today, by the way?" Jordan nods. "Then give me the money you got!" Jordan looks at his father in disbelief, and tells a tiny white lie, hoping he won't get caught. "There's no money left, I used it all to buy food." And besides you'll only be wasting them on booze and gambling anyway, he continues to himself. "Well, why should I believe you? I know you have some money stacked away in your room, I'll just go get them, then…"

Gino turns and walks towards Jordans room. Jordan hurries pas him to block the door. "There's no money, and this is my room!" He isn't aware of the fact that his voice has become louder. "Move you bastard!" Gino raises his hand and slaps Jordan across the face, taking his son by surprise and forcing him to take a step back to regain his balance. He then sees the opportunity to try and get past him, but Jordan manages to keep him out. "What are you hiding? Do you have that little slut that you usually spend your time with in there?" Gino tries to push him aside this time, but Jordan has a firm grip of the doorframe. "If you don't move, I swear I'm gonna…." Gino doesn't finish, but it's quite clear what he's implying. "Threats, dad? That's a new low, even for you!" Jordan still doesn't move, and looks his father straight in the eyes. He sees the punch before it actually hits him. The blow to his face makes him tumble backwards, and hit his head on the doorknob as he falls. Gino shakes his hand and steps over his son, into the room, not bothering to check if he's alright or not. Jordan feels the pain pounding through his head, and even just the thought of getting up makes him dizzy.

Through eyes that are slowly starting to fill with tears, Jordan watches his father searching the desk drawers and generally trashing everything in his way. A few minutes later Gino triumphantly stands up with a small pile of 10 dollar bills in his hand. "Just as I thought! You're a disgrace, a sad excuse for a son! Now move, you're in my way!" Jordan tries to get out of the way, but not quickly enough. Pain explodes in his stomach as his father starts kicking him over and over again. "Please stop! Please dad!" He begs, trying hard to hold back his tears, knowing that showing further weakness only will make it worse. "Come on, get up! A real Catalano stands up for himself!" Gino pulls his son up by the collar of his shirt, pushing him up against the wall again. "Please just make it stop!" Jordan whispers to himself. He knows that he's stronger than his father, but he just can't bring himself to hit him, you just don't do that to your old man.

"Now, what do you have to say in your defence?" Gino shoves the money in Jordans face. "I'm the master of this house, what you earn is mine, understood!" Jordan tries to ignore the pain in his stomach enough to stand up straight. "But you DO get them, I buy food, and…" Gino moves closer so that his face is only millimetres from Jordans. His breath reeks with alcohol and his eyes are bloodshot with anger. "You little bastard! I want you out of this house, and don't bother coming back until you've got your act together!" he lets go of Jordan ho collapses on the floor. "Get out! You better be gone when I return, or else…." Gino kicks him one last time in the thigh, and leaves.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you sooo much for your reviews! I love writing about these characters, and as you'll problably figure out or have already, Jordan is my favourite. He is so much fun to write, I always thought in the tv-show therer was something mysterious about him and his life... Please read & review, there'll be more coming soon if you still like it :) _

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**Chapter 3**

After a little while Jordan manages to get up. He quickly stuffs some clothes into a bag, before limping out to his car. Sitting there with the engine on, he realises that he doesn't have anywhere to go. Shanes dad and his dad are old friends, and he certainly doesn't want to go there. He just starts driving around, and before he knows it he finds himself in Angelas street, slowly passing her house. The lights from the window shines so bright, and split the shadows on the darkened lawn. Silhouettes of people moving makes the shadows move.

At the end of the street Jordan turns around and drives back, this time stopping on the opposite side. He rests his forehead on the steering wheel, his whole body hurts from the beating his father gave him. If there just was a way to erase this whole day! It's unbelievable how happy he was at the beginning of it, and how miserable he is now. Angela is like the sun, without her he is back in the darkness, cold and alone.

A tap on the window wakes him from his thoughts, and when he looks up he realises that he must have parked his car right outside Brian Krakows house. Just the person he wanted to see! Not! "What are you doing here? You are not exactly wanted here you know!" Brian stares at Jordans face without even trying to hide his curiosity. The bruises are covering most of his left cheek and the area around his left eye is red and swollen. When Jordan remains quiet, it's like Brians courage grows. "She despises you, you know, she told me! She doesn't even hate you, she like "nothing" you now!" The look in Jordans eyes is like nothing Brian has ever seen before, he looks like he is about to break down completely. "I have this power over Jordan Catalano!" Brian says to himself, awestruck. It's like the world is turned upside down or something. He enjoys it, no, he actually loves it in a strange way, it's like a drug that makes him go on and on, craving for more.

"I'm going over there now. She invited me over for dinner. I guess we are going to spend quite a lot of time together from now!" Brian doesn't know where the lies are coming from, but he's on a roll. Jordan just looks down. "Go then! But, Brain, I swear, if you ever hurt her I'll…." His voice starts to shiver slightly, and he jut rolls up the window, turns on the engine and drives away. Brian waits until he's out of sight, then walks back to his own house, knowing very well that there had been no dinner invitation, and that Angela probably wouldn't have let him past the front door even. However, at least Jordan will most likely stay away form her for a while. For a brief moment he stops to wonder what had happened to his face, but just as soon he forgets all about it.

"Angela, honey! You've got to eat something!" Patty is pleading with her daughter trying to make her come out of her room. "I'm not hungry, leave me alone!" "Angela, please! Talk to me…" Angela finally opens the door, red-eyed from crying, but actually she seems more angry than sad at the moment. "There's nothing to talk about. Jordan and Brian are both jerks, I don't want to see either of them, like ever again!" She shuts the door with a loud bang, leaving her mother resigned on the other side.


	4. Chapter 4

_You guys are all soooo sweet! Thanks for the reviews (which I try to answer privately all of them). Here's another chapter, still not very long, though. A bit more Angela in this one._

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**Chapter 4**

Angela curls up in bed, she feels totally empty inside. It's like the big space that Jordan has occupied for so long, is replaced with a giant nothing, and Brian, she is even more angry with him. He was supposed to be her friend… How could he have had these feelings for her for so long without saying anything? Not that she thinks it would have made a difference, but still, it's like he betrayed her or something. Her eyes lands on a photo of her and Jordan. It's one of the very few pictures of them together. She's in the sofa at the loft where Jordans band has their practices, and he's on the armrest. They aren't sitting that close together, but there's something in the way they are looking into each others eyes, like they share a secret.

Silently she starts crying again, burying her head in her pillow. Who's she trying to fool. She still loves him just as much, but what hurts the most is that she just doesn't know if she will be able to trust him again. And without trust, there can be no relationship. The thought of going to school in the morning almost makes her sick, but she might as well face people at once. "Oh Jordan, why couldn't you just have tried to explain to me how you felt. I would have listened to you…." Angela finally cries herself to sleep.

Jordan has been driving around for hours, he's exhausted and in pain, and it's getting cold. Finally he parks "red" at the far end of the school parking lot, he'll just have to sleep in the car. Curling up in the backseat with his jacket as a blanket he tries to block everything out and get some rest, but he just ends up lying there, looking at the ceiling.

It feels like he just closed his eyes when he's awaken by the sound of somebody knocking on the car window. "Ey! Catalano!" Jordan recognizes Shanes voice. His head is pounding with pain, and he can't seem to manage to open his left eye. "My God, Catalano! What the hell happened to you?!" Shane opens the car door and helps Jordan sit up. The cold winter morning makes him tremble slightly, causing his body to hurt in places he didn't even knew existed. "Oh, it's nothing, I just got into a fight at a party last night, there was a lot of drinking, so I couldn't drive back home." "A party? Who's party?" Shane looks at his friend with a frown. "I never heared about a party…"

Jordan knows he is on thin ice, he's not exactly the best liar in the world. "Just some guys I met, you don't know them. I feel kind of crappy today, I think I'll just skip school and go home. See you at the loft tonight." He gets into the front seat and drives off before Shane can ask him any more questions, leaving his friend confused and worried. "Jordan Catalano in a fight, now that's something that doesn't add up, he hates it when people argue or fight…. I wonder what kind of trouble he's gotten himself into." He mumbles to himself as he walks towards the school building.

Angela can't help but look down the hall towards Jordans locker. Rickie walks up behind her and touches her shoulder gently. "What are you thinking about?" She turns and gives him a hug. "Nothing! Shall we?" Angela grabs his arm and starts dragging him towards home room. "Have you seen Jordan today, by the way?" She asks, trying hard to keep a casual tone, but Rickie knows her all too well. He just smiles and shakes his head. "No, I saw his friend Shane, but no Jordan." They walk past Brian who can't help but hear the mention of Jordans name. He turns away from them without even saying hello. Ricki suddenly stops in front of Angela and turns to look at her. "Wait a minute! This has something to do with that letter, hasn't it?"

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_Okay folks, read & review, new chapter up tonight probably :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_WOW, you guys are great. Here's another chapter, hope you like it ;) R&R and maybe there'll be another chapter up before the day is over :)_

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**Chapter 5**

"Angela?" Rickie tries catching her eyes, but she looks down and away. "Did you talk to Brian?" Angela finally looks back at him, tears in her eyes. "I did…." "And?" Rickie cuts her off. "….Brian is a jerk, he's like an idiot! I wish he would like take a course on how to interact with other people or something. How could he have like these feelings for me and not tell me?" The anger she felt yesterday is back in her voice. "Would it have made any difference if he told you?" Rickies question makes her calm down slightly. "I don't know…no, no, I don't think so, I like don't have that kind of feelings towards Brian, I never had, but she still think he should have told me. He's such a coward, and it's so like low to use Jordan to express…" She shuts up and closes her eyes. "So, what about Jordan?" "I don't really want to talk about it, okay?" Rickie takes her by the hand and continues towards home room, "We're going to be late."

Shane's standing at the fence out by the bleachers, totally lost in his own thoughts. Something is really wrong with Jordan, he had acted really weird this morning. He didn't buy the party story for a second, and fighting….. No way! Not Jordan! Besides Shane had done some checking around, and there had been no partys last night. He pulls out his cell phone and dials Tinos number. "Ey, Tino! Are you busy? I need you to come pick me up, we have to go check on Catalano, there's something strange going on!"

Angela can't manage to get her thoughts together, she can't stop thinking about Jordan, not that that is a new problem, but this time it's different. She hasn't seen him all day, and she is getting kind of worried, even if he cuts class quite often he usually comes to school. He's even been showing up for Brians tutoring, but to continue those lessons might be difficult as things have developed. What if it's her fault that Jordan isn't here today, quite ironic actually, she's been doing her best to make him go to classes, and now…. "Angelica!" She is interrupted by Rayanne.

Rayanne suddenly stops a few feet away from her, not sure weather to go on or not. Angela sighs, but smiles. "It's ok, Rayanne, come on." The girls hug. "I just like didn't know if you wanted to hear, but I just spoke to Tino. He and Shane was at Jordans to look for him, but there was no one at home. Shane's really worried about him. Who would've thought, ey, Shane like the responsible friend, actually caring….not the tough guy after all…" Rayanne rambles on. Rickie tries to stop her. "Rayanne. Rayanne! Why would Shane worry about Jordan?" Angela remains quiet, but it's obvious that the conversation has caught her interest.

"Shane had seen Jordan this morning in the parking lot, he had looked like shit, all beaten up and stuff. Rumor has it he had been to a party last night and gotten into a fight…" "Was he hurt?" Angela looks worried. "Why do you like care?" The three of them turn around at the sound of Brians voice. "After what he did to you, why do you care?" He looks directly at Angela, whos cheeks are starting to turn red in anger. "Get lost, Krakow!" Rayanne stands up on her chair in front of him. "I was talking to Chase, and by the way, Jordan must have been to a party that started quite early, he was already both black and blue when I talked to him last night…." Brian shuts up and starts walking away, afraid he might have said a bit too much. "You talked to Jordan last night? Brian!" Angela shouts after him, but he pretends not to hear her.

Jordan feels like the cold wind is blowing right through him. He has parked his car down the street, and is hiding behind a couple of wrecks across the street from his fathers house. For the last three hours he's been waiting for Gino to leave, so that he can sneak in and get some more clothes and a blanket, maybe even manage to get a shower. Jordan coughs and gasps as a sharp pain runs through his bruised ribcage. Luckily in this kind of neighbourhood nobody notices anything, people here have more than enough with their own disasters.

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_Actually I feel bad for putting Jordan in this kind of situation, but I have the story written down already in my head, and I'm really not an evil person...I think ;) _

_Provehito in altum_


	6. Chapter 6

_Back from vaccation! I've missed you all :) Thank you soooo much for your reviews, I will come around to answering each and one of you in a bit, just thought I'd get this new chapter out first ;)_

_I promise you things will change for Jordan eventually, for the better or for the worse...;) Letting Rickie be a bigger part of this chapter as well, having a bit of it from his point of view, and introducing Sharon and Mr Katimski._

_Hope you like it, it is far longer than the earlier chapters! I will try to have another chapter up by the end of the day..._

_Please tell me what you think r&r, plz ;)_

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It's cold, so cold Jordan can't seem to keep his teeth from chattering. He has used his last few dollars on coffee, not because he really wanted coffee, but because he then was allowed to sit inside in the warmth of the coffee shop while drinking it. Shane and Tino had showed up, and left, Gino hadn't bothered opening the door, so they must have thought that there was nobody home.

Not until 5 in the morning, Gino exits the house. Jordan is too exhausted to even think about where he might be heading this early. He sneaks in, grabs some more clothes and a blanket from his room, and decides it's worth the chance to take a quick shower before he leaves. The warm water running down his body feels good, but as the numbness from the cold outside starts to leave his body, the pounding pain from all his bruises becomes more and more prominent. He moans slightly stepping out of the shower, puts on some clean clothes and hurries down to the kitchen. No surprise, there's no food left, but Jordan manages to find a box of crackers and a few bottles of water.

Back in his car, he checks the time and figures out he might as well go to school, falling asleep in one of Mr Katimskis classes seem much more tempting than freezing his butt off somewhere else.

Angela is talking to Rickie by her locker, when he suddenly stops talking for a moment and starts staring at something somewhere behind her. "Well, look who's back!" He whispers, making her turn around.

Rickie immediately feels how Angelas whole body stiffens at the sight of Jordan. Everything seems back to normal, Jordan talking to Shane down the hall from them, yet nothing seems normal at all. He's not leaning back the way he usually does, his body is tilted slightly forward, making his hair cover his face. Rickie can hear him coughing hard and even from a distance see how his knuckles whiten when he tries to support himself on the window frame. He must be sick or something, maybe that was why he didn't show yesterday. Rickie can't help but feel like there's something familiar about this sight, his thoughts travel back a bit. He's been there, alone and scared, before the Chase family and later Mr Katimski took him in. Finally his life is getting as close to normal as it will probably ever be.

"Angela?" Rickie discovers that she hasn't moved. Her eyes are fixated on Jordan. A few feet further down the hall Brian is standing, watching them all. Rickie sighs, just add Rayanne to the equation and the answer would have to be nothing more than total confusion and chaos. He turns to try and catch Brians attention, but without any luck. He feels caught in the middle of a private little war zone. Rickie sees how Brian looks at Angela who again looks at Jordan, and knows what young Krakow must feel. He loves her, he has always loved her, just never had the guts to come out and say it, the jealousy is clear in his eyes.

Rickie knows how it feels to love someone, to hope and dream, but still deep down inside your heart, know that that's all it will ever be; dreams and hopes. Maybe that's why he feels sorry for Brian, in spite of the fact that he has acted like a real jerk lately. Brian is really not a bad guy, he's a bit helpless when it comes to dealing with people maybe, but he usually means well. Rickie can't help but liking him and feel sorry for him, the whole letter-deal was a stupid thing to get involved in. Somehow Rickie had hoped that Angela would see Brian in a new light and maybe even consider going out with him, but he knows that for that to happen she would have to get over her obsession with Jordan, and that's just not going to happen.

Another think Rickie very easily can relate to….obsessing over Jordan Catalano. He's not sure if Angela has figured it out, but he thinks she has. Sometimes she looks at him with those beautiful eyes of hers, and he can see that she knows. Even if he has felt like killing him quite a few times, when he's been a bastard towards Angela, he can't help but trying to justify his actions, Jordan, like Brian, is not really a bad guy, he's merely misunderstood, and maybe a bit naive. The only thing even Rickie hasn't been able to forgive and forget when it comes to Jordan is his affair with Rayanne. He hasn't been able to forgive her either, and just can't understand how Angela seem to have forgiven her.

The bell rings a second time, and Rickie shakes off the thoughts. Brian has already left, but Jordan is still there, alone now, sitting on the floor, his head resting on his knees. "Angela, we have to get to English. Mr Katimski will give me a really hard time tonight if I'm late…." She finally turns to face him. "Oh….Ok….hm, why….Rickie, do you think he's like sick or something? He doesn't look like he's feeling well…." Angela reluctantly lets Rickie drag her away, looking back over her shoulder every second step. "He looks a bit out of it….but I'm sure he'll be going to class any minute, he usually attends English these days, you know." And just as they are about to turn the corner of the hall, Jordan slowly gets up starting to follow them.

Jordan doesn't remember why he came to school. He feels like shit, his head is warm like he has a fever, and yet he feels so cold, he can't seem to stop his hands from shaking. All morning he has been trying to make himself as unnoticeable as possible, it's more than enough to have to deal with all of Shanes questions for not showing up at practice last night. Jordan looks up and sees Angela and Rickie in front of him and looks away. Somehow it's nice to know that Shane cares and is worried about him, but there's another person he much rather would have care.

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_Two days later:_

Angela tries to look back in the corner to where Jordan is sitting for the at least twentieth time, without being too obvious. He seems to have fallen asleep, his face is tilted down towards his desk. He always seem to be hiding behind his hair lately, and his coughing is getting worse. Angela is worried, really worried, something's just not right, Jordan looks like he's in the same clothes as he was at the beginning of the week, he never speaks to anyone but Shane, and English with Mr Katimski is the only classes he seem to be going to. One look at Rickie tells her he is just as worried, even the teacher seem to sense that there is something going on, sending concerned looks in Jordans direction every now and then, but still letting him sleep without commenting on it.

Right in the middle of one of Shakespeares sonnets Jordan starts coughing, only this time he can't seem to stop. All the way to the front of the room Angela can hear how he's struggling to catch his breath in between. "Jordan, you are excused, why don't you go down to the school nurse to see if she's got something for your cough, ok?" Mr Katimski says, fiddling with his book in a slightly nervous manner.

Jordan gets up, but doesn't seem to be able to walk straight, he bumps into Sharons desk on the way, making all of her book drop to the floor. "Sorry…" He whispers grabbing hold of the desk starting to bend down, but stops half way, gets up again and leaves the room. As he stands up, his hair slides aside allowing Sharon to get a glimpse of his face, she gasps and turns away.

Angela keeps waiting for Jordan to come back, but he doesn't. When the bell rings she hurries over to Sharon. "Did he like say something to you?" Sharon shakes her head, "No, but Angela, you should have seen his face, it's covered in bruises, I don't know what has like happened to him, but he doesn't look good…."

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_I really just felt like going on with the story here, but the chapter would have been too long... Do you have any thoughts on the continuance? Please tell me :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_An even longer chapter this time, I think you will all discover that I have major problems in maiking them short, I was quite amazed at the beginning of the story how I managed to keep them short... Just say if you want me to go back to the shorter chapter, and I'll find a way to split them up._

_A bit more of Rayanne and Brian in this chapter (Hot4J the Brian-parts are dedicated to you, you know what I mean ;) more to come in the next chapter...trying to explain what I imagine is going on inside Krakows head)_

_By the way, thank you sooooo much for the lovely reviews, please keep them coming! It's really inspiring writing this story!_

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**Chapter 7**

Jordan doesn't go to the nurses office, he just walks past it. He doesn't stop before he's out by his car again. The cold air makes him start coughing again, and a burning sensation grabs his chest like a claw, squeezing it, making it hard to breathe. He has to get away from there, the look on Sharons face had pretty much said it all; disgust. How could he ever think that Angela would be able to forgive him for the Rayanne-episode, and then messing it up further by having Brain write that letter for him? Even her friends seem to feel physically sick at the sight of him. Come to think of it, he's got pretty much no one left, and he's brought it on all by himself, it's only right then that he's like "nothing" to the only person who really matters.

He slides into the front seat of his car, and starts fiddling with a small piece of paper, reading what's written on it, the words come out like a whisper:

_"close your eyes, take a deep breath, you've been here before, several times, where it all just ends, it is over, indefinitely…"_

That's how he feels, he started writing last night when he couldn't sleep. It's funny, how when it came to apologizing and trying to make things right with Angela, he just wasn't able to find the suitable words, he still isn't, maybe it's because there are no words that do her justice. She's too good for anything that comes out of his mind. Too good….

Jordan is exhausted, he has hardly slept at all, and hasn't eaten more than a few crackers since Monday, and today it's Friday. He isn't hungry anymore though, the thought of food just makes him feel worse, and he has no idea how to get through the weekend ahead. The weather forecast says it's going to get even colder.

Jordan reaches for out to put the keys in the ignition but the shaking of his hands make him miss several times. Finally manages to get the car started. For a moment he just sits there, allowing the engine to start warming the car, and hoping that his vision will clear up a bit. He's running low on fuel, but there's no money to refill the tank with. "I am so fucked!" Jordan leans his forehead on the steering wheel and sighs. Attacked by a new round of coughs, a sharp pain shoot through his chest, he holds his breath trying to make it stop, pressing both of his hands against his mouth, but not until he manages to get hold of a bottle of water and swallow some of it before he succeeds. He leans back at the headrest with his eyes closed, barely able to catch his breath. Little by little the pain fades, but this time it doesn't go away completely, leaving a dull throbbing sensation. By now Jordan is getting scared, and discovering traces of blood in his hands, doesn't actually calm him down much. He has to get away. Just as he's about to turn out into the street Shane tears open the door.

"Hey man! Where are you going?" Jordan curses silently to himself and tries to pull himself together. "Don't know. Just driving around." His throat is getting soar from all the coughing, making his voice sound hoarse and strange. Shane frowns slightly and looks at him for a second, then runs around the car to the passenger seat and jumps in. "So, Catalano! Tino's party…" Jordan looks at him with a confused look. Shane rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me you've forgot?" He shakes his head in disbelief. "Oh, well, it's not too late. We'll just stop by your house so that you can change your clothes. We got about half an hour before we have to be there, we promised to help him set things up, remember?" Jordan doesn't remember, but nodds anyway to shut Shane up. Right now, his feverish exhausted brain has more than enough with trying to figure out how he's going to get out of the "stopping by your house" part.

Angela searches all over school for Jordan, but he's like vanished. She's starting to get desperate when the sight of a familiar car catches her attention. Watching Shane get in, and the car slowly driving down the road, she sighs. At least Shane's with him. Somehow she isn't able to shake the feeling that something isn't right, maybe it's because she deep down inside feels just a tiny bit guilty for not giving him a chance to explain his side of the story when it come to the letter. "I just wish that I could like trust him, again…" Angela mumbles to herself, then turns around at the sounds of footsteps from behind.

Rayanne has been watching Brian for a while. How he seems to be walking slower and slower towards the bus stop, obviously waiting for Angela. He looks kind of sad, and for the first time in her life she feels sorry for him. "Guess I'm not the only one who's no longer in Angelas good book." She thinks. Krakow has never actually been considered as like a person to her, he has just been someone who was always there for her amusement, to pick on and, when she's completely honest, be quite mean to. In a way she admires him for his stamina, he takes whatever little crumb of attention that Angela will throw at him and he hardly ever talks back at Rayannes insults.

"Angelica!" Rayanne approaces her. "Eh, mmm….I know I'm like not your favorite person, but Tino's party is tonight, remember?" Angela frowns. "Oh, eh, like yeah, I remember. So are you going?" She seems preoccupied and her eyes are still locked on the spot where Jordans car disappeared into the next street. "Well…yeah…yeah, I'm totally going. Do you want to come?" Angela doesn't answer at first, and Rayanne continues. "Rickie's going, and I know for a fact that Shane is too, so maybe Catalano will be there…you know…." She shuts up when Angela turns to face her with anger in her eyes. "And that should like make me want to go? The thought of you and Jordan in the same room…it makes me sick!" Rayanne could've hit herself, way to go, she had finally managed to have some sort of conversation with Angela today for the first time since like forever, and she has to go and say something stupid like that.

Angela walks towards the bus stop and sees Brian, appearing to be waiting for her. She halts, why the hell can't he just leave her alone. Tino's party, well, actually she does want to go, but a kind of childish stubbornness makes her refuse everything Rayanne suggests, she wonders if she will ever be able to forgive her for what she did. She knows they had both been drunk and stuff, but…. Rayanne was the only one who really knew everything about Angelas obsession with Jordan, and still she did it. Closing her eyes, Angela turns back, and walks a few steps back towards Rayanne again. "You know, I might come to Tinos party, after all, I like planned to go, like before, so…." Angela bites her lower lip, cursing herself for not being able to maintain her anger towards her.. "There's my father, I got to go." She turns around and runs towards the car.

Brian discovers that Angela is going the opposite way, and calls out her name. "Chase!" When she doesn't seem to notice him he raises his voice a bit. "Guess I'll see you at the party tonight, then!" At least this outburst gives him a reaction, however not exactly the one he had wished for. Angela looks up at him as she's about to get into the car and sends him a confused look, but doesn't stop or say anything, just lets her father drive off.

He hears the muffled sound and turns. Rayanne is standing just a few feet away from him with both her hands covering her mouth trying to hide a big grin. "So Krakow, you're like the party animal now?" Releasing the words she is no longer able to hold back her laughter. Brian blushes. With Graff it's like his new-found confidence just disappears totally. She knows exactly which buttons to push to make him feel about the size of his thumb. "Why can't I go? Am I not, like cool enough, or something? You know you are quite rude, Graff!" He means for the words to sound much more determined than they do. "Shit!" Brian turns to walk away.

"Ey, Brian, I'm sorry, ok? Can we talk?" Rayanne has absolutely no idea where that came from, and by the look on Brians face he's just as shocked as she is. Did she just address me by my first name, he thinks. "So talk, Graff." He watches how she tilts her head a bit to the left and plays with her hair while looking up on him from under really long black eyelashes. Oh, my God is she flirting with me? Brian finds it hard to breathe all of a sudden. "Look, Brian…" There it is, his first name again, what is this? "…I know how you feel about Angela, ok, but you should like really find someone who can help you get over her, you know. You've started to act differently lately…" Brian feels his anger rising and wants to tell her to shut up, to mind her own business, but it's like he's lost the ability to speak. "Anglea like hates me, I'm sure you know. I don't know why I thought she would forgive me, I…" The sadness in Rayannes eyes does something with Brian, he can't really put his finger on it, but something happens inside his chest. He feels sorry for her. Maybe it's because he knows how it is to wish for Angelas forgiveness. He moves a few steps closer to her. "I don't think she's really able to forgive Jordan either, what he did is just as bad as what I did, don't you think? I'm not like the only one to blame here!"

Brian opens his mouth, then closes it again. If Angela isn't able to forgive Jordan, then maybe he…. "I know you might be happy about the fact that Angela still seem to hold a grudge against Jordan, but really Brian, you shouldn't be…." Wow, it's creepy, it's like she's able to like read his mind or something. "But…." He starts. "Angela is still way too obsessed with Jordan to move on to somebody else, even with you…" Rayanne looks down at her feet quiet now, leaving Brian to pursue his thoughts for a while. Honestly he doesn't know what he has done wrong when it comes to Angela, like it's a crime to have feelings for somebody. He does feel a bit guilty for being like he was to Jordan, and when he thinks of the things he said to him he almost faints in fear. Brian has heared about the green-eyed monster of jealousy before, but never really thought that it would influence him like that. One lie had just lead to another, and when Jordan didn't talk back it was too easy to just continue, it had made him feel really powerful for a short while. Actually he thinks Jordan can be quite a nice guy, he must admit that they have had some good moments during the tutoring lessons. But then there's Angela…


	8. Chapter 8

_OMG this is even longer than the last chapter ;) It's like when I get started I just cannot seem to be able to finish. I had to stop here, even if I had plans on having the party in this chapter. Next chapter will be Tino's party. Rayanne and Brian are both a big part of this chapter too, finishing off from chapter 7._

_You guys are the sweetest! Thanks so much for the kind reviews! Keep'em coming!_

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**Chapter 8**

"Do you like think I should have told her, like before? Like it would have made any difference…." Brian looks at Rayanne, who raises her head to meet his eyes. "I guess…." For a second she wonders why she has never before seen how beautiful his eyes are. "Crap, Graff, get your act together!" She mumbles to herself and shakes her head. "I guess you like should have told her, but you've known each other like forever, so…" She looks into his eyes again. "…so I guess if she had felt anything like that for you, something would have happened, or you would have noticed or something…." Brian takes a deep breath. "So you don't think there's a chance…." "To be honest, Brian….no, like there's no way I can picture you with Angela…sorry…" She might as well have slapped him across the face. "What do you know, you're probably drunk or something anyway! Like I need your opinion on things!" He snaps at her.

Rayanne turns away from him. "Why the hell did you ask me then? You're just like weird…." Her voice is trembling slightly. "I'm weird?" Brian stares at her wide-eyed. "I'm weird?" He says again, louder this time. "Then what are you?" Hurtful words continue to fly between them, there's a strange tension starting to build in the air.

Suddenly Rayanne closes the gap between them, stretches up and kisses Brian on the lips. Brian moves two steps back and looks at her with his mouth wide open. "What….why…." He stutters, blushing like a teenage girl. "Hm…." Rayanne answers. "You, know, I have like absolultely no idea." It's the truth, at least part of it. She's lonely, and pretty desperate, to be going after Brian Krakow, she tells herself, and it's like being near Brian is kind of like being a bit closer to Angela, even if she hates them both. "Wanna go for coffee?" She holds out her hand. Brian looks at it, skeptically. "Uhm….I guess, but do you like want me to hold your hand or something?" The social nerd is back, clumsy and awkward, which gives Rayanne the possibility to regain control of the situation and herself. "Well, I was more going for a handshake to say that I was sorry for being such a bitch, but oh my, I guess we have to hold hands now that we kissed, we have to get married too! My mum knows this priest you know, maybe he can squeeze us in, oh, imagine me in a white…no-no, a red wedding gown….wow…." Watching how Brians eyes seem like they are going to pop out of his head, she puts her hand on his arm and laughs. "Krakow, chill! I'm just kidding! So, coffee?" He doesn't look entirely convinced, but follows her towards a nearby Starbucks. Rayanne notices how he makes sure his hand doesn't touch hers, and that he's looking away like he's ashamed of being with her. It doesn't bother her much though, but one thing does, the fact that she cannot stop to think about how good it would have been if he actually was holding her hand.

"So, Catalano!" Shane looks out of the window. "What's up with you? You've been acting really strange lately, and that cough, man… Are you sick or something?" Jordan fastens his grip around the steering wheel. "I'm fine, ok!" He manages to hold back a cough, only making his chest hurt more. "You sure as hell don't look fine!" Shane has turned his full attention towards him now. "Well…." Jordan clears his throat. "I am, just drop it ok. It's just a cold or something." His tone makes it quite clear that he is not interested in continuing the conversation. They drive up in front of the Catalano house, before he can think of an excuse not to go there. He has to put his hopes on his father not being home.

"Just wait here, I'll be right back!" Jordan gets out of the car, holding his breath. The cold air seems to make his coughing worse, and he really needs to stay focused now. Slowly he walks up to the front door, dreading the possibility of having to face Gino. He opens the door and steps inside, but before he can close the door behind him a figure appears in front of him. "What the hell are you doing here? You don't live her anymore, remember?" Gino is drunk, no doubt about it, he has trouble pronouncing the simplest words and is swaying slightly from side to side, until he decides to use the doorframe for support. "I just…" "You just what? You're a disgrace you know! You're no son of mine, that's for sure. That bitch mother of yours must have had an affair or something." In a way Jordan almost wishes that Gino had hit him instead, the words are just as hurtful. He wants to talk back, but just managing to keep himself upright is more than enough at the moment. "Look at you!" Gino spits the words at him. "You can't even stand up straight. My God, to think I raised you and provided for you for all this years. Well, enough of being the fool for me!" "But dad…" The anger seem to make him sober up a bit, and he steps towards Jordan. "Don't bother coming back for your stuff, I've already thrown it away. If you want it you have to go to the dump…" Gino grins. "…and I guess you would fit in just fine there!" He shoves Jordan out the door and slams it in his face.

Jordan backs down the stairs, and down to the car. He gets in the drivers seat, coughing heavily into his hands. Shane looks at him with worried eyes. "Catalano? Are you ok man?" All he gets in return is a headshake. Tears are rolling down Jordans cheeks and his face is getting red and strained. "Maybe you should just let me drive. You can come home with me, we can get ready for the party there." And as he can sense what Jordan is thinking, he adds. "My parents are out of town, it's just me and my big brother Tim at home." Shane puts a hand on Jordans arm. "Come on, Catalano, you can hardly breathe, let me drive. You can relax or something while I fix us something to eat." The thought of a nice warm bed appeals more than the thought of food, but Jordan slides over to the passenger seat and allows Shane to take his place. As soon as the car gets moving he leans his boiling head against the cool glass of the window and closes his eyes.

As soon as Angela gets home she starts going through her closet to find something to wear to Tinos party. A bit sad she recalls all the times Rayanne has been there getting ready with her, how much fun they always have trying out different outfits and dreaming about the event ahead. It's not much fun getting ready all by yourself. "Angela! Dinner's ready!" "Mum, don't yell, I'm like right here!" Angela sighs. "And besides I'm not hungry." "Honey, you've got to eat! What are you doing?" Patty enters the room and sees the chaos of clothes everywhere. "I'm going out tonight, ok? To a party, it's Friday, and…" She has this whole speech planned. Sometimes Patty isn't that keen on letting her go to parties and stuff. "Good to see that you have started to cheer up, Angela! Promise you won't drink, or let anyone who has had something to drink drive you! And if any guys should try something funny towards you, you call me and I'll come get you!" "Oh God, mum, I'm not like five years old anymore…." Angela knows she sounds a bit harsh, but deep inside she knows how lucky she is to have someone there who really cares, and in the end she isn't able to stop her lips from curling upwards into a tiny smile.

She's about to give her mother a hug when the doorbell sounds. _"Brian!"_ Angela thinks and adds a few not so nice words to the thought. Before she can think any further, Danielle shouts from downstairs. "Angela! Rickie's here!" The smile on her face is back within a split second, and hopefully before Patty manages to notice it was even gone. Angela quickly hugs her mother. "Ok, mum, I'll eat, but only if Rickie can join us!" Patty smiles and nodds. Rickie's pretty much part of the family.

Rayanne and Brian have been drinking their coffee in silence. Now she glances up at him with a curious look in her eyes. "Ey, Bri, so…I guess I'll like see you at the party tonight, then. Do you know where it is?"_ "Did she just call me "Bri"? Am I actually here, sitting across the table at Starbucks with Rayanne Graff….like THE most slutty girl in school, and she want's to know if I'm going to the party tonight"_ His jaw drops a bit, leaving his mouth open. His perplexity is apparently amusing her, she tilts her head and smiles at him. _"Please don't do that! She's actually kind of cute when she does it, and Rayanne Graff isn't supposed to be cute in any way, she's supposed to be obnoxious and annoying and…."_ "Have you like lost your voice or something?" Her smile widens. "God! Don't laugh at me, ok!" Brian doesn't mean to sound angry, and tries to soften the words a bit by trying to smile. _"Oh my God! What is happening, he's a nerd, his smile is clumsy and he looks totally ridicules, and she hates him, she really does…so why does she wish that he would have the guts to bend over and kiss her."_ Rayanne grabs a napkin and writes down how to get to Tinos. Then gets up in a hurry, on the way out she shouts back. "See you tonight Krakow!"

Sharon ducks down behind Kyle. Luckily he hasn't noticed a thing, he's far too interested in trying to talk her into sleeping over at his house after the party. "I can't believe it!" She mumbles. "What?" Kyle looks at her. "So, Sharon, what do you think? For old times sake?" She frowns at him and shakes her head.

"Jordan?" For once Shane uses his first name. He has just parked the car in front of his house. The drive hasn't taken more than 10 minutes or so, but Jordan seems to have fallen fast asleep. There's no reaction and Shane grabs him by the shoulders to wake him. "Please don't hit me!" Jordan cries out, lifting his hands like he wants to protect his face. His eyes are wide open, a scared look in them Shane has never seen before. "Relax, man! I'm not going to hit you! Why the hell did you think I was going to…" Shane stops. Jordan shakes his head, trying to make his exhausted mind work. He knows he has to come up with something good, or Shane will see right through him in a matter of seconds. "It was just a dream, ok, I always get these weird dreams when I don't get enough sleep." He forces himself to stand up and smile at Shane, who does not seem convinced at all.

Jordan takes a shower and manages to find a shirt and a pair of boxers that is still clean in his bag. For a little while he feels a bit better. He resists the urge to lie down on the couch, and sits down in one of the chairs instead. The short distance from Shanes room on the ground floor has taken all of his energy. Jordan tries to keep his breathing as shallow as possible, because of the pain his ribcage is causing him.

"Pizza ok?" Shane puts down a plate in front of him, causing him to jump slightly in his chair. "Tired? Look, Catalano, I'm not going to ask a lot of questions and stuff, but something obviously happened between you and your old man today, and you seem kind of out of it, you have for the last week…." Shane tries to make eye contact with him. "…if there's anything you need to talk about, like really anything, you know you can talk to me, right?" Jordan nods. "If you don't feel like going to Tinos tonight, we could just stay here…"

Shane is really trying, and Jordan appreciates it, but telling Shane would most likely mean that everything would go back to Gino eventually, and that would mean burning every little bridge that may have been left between them. "I'm fine! But thanks, anyway! It was just a stupid argument, I'll deal with that tomorrow." Jordan tries to take another bite of the pizza but has to struggle to get it down. "I'm really not that hungry, let's just go." "So, do you think that weird red-haired girl's going to be there?" Shane smiles and pushes Jordans shoulder in a friendly manner. "Maybe, but she's not weird!" Jordan sets his friend straight with a stern look. The thought of the possibility of seeing Angela, he needs to talk to her without Brain around, and this might just be his chance, since guys like him not usually attend Tinos parties.


	9. Chapter 9

_I seriously have got to do something about my writing. Have you ever experienced coming to the end of a chapter (or in my case believing that you are close to the end) and then just want to add another paragraph and another and another and... Sorry! I just get a bit carried away, I guess ;) I love writing this, I love the characters and I love your reviews! Thank you sooooo much, I'm amazed by the response I get! (It's a bit scary too, I just don't want to disappoint you...)_

_Thanks again to Hot4J for bringing such good ideas into my head :) And Jackie, honey ;) I promise you will get your share of fluff, we have the same weakness...you know what I mean :) _

_Well, here's chapter 9, Rayanne and Brian still being a big part of it. I had never imagined it to be so much fun writing about her ;) Hope you like it, read & review please! _

_PS: There are some parts in this chapter that made me think about changing the rating to M for the continuance, you are now officially warned :)_

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**Chapter 9**

"Getting ready for the party is like so much more fun with you here!" Angela comes out of the bathroom, dancing towards Rickie. The music stops and he turns to look at her. "Wow! You look amazing!" He smiles and kisses her on the forehead. "If I was into girls I would sooo have the hots for you…." "Yeah, right!" Angela smiles. "You look good too you know! Now, let me do your make-up." She grins and places Rickie in front of the mirror. "Oh my God, help!" He laughs.

Patty walks past the door and can't avoid hearing the laughter from inside, she smiles, heaven knows Angela has been in a strange mood the whole week, but a little Rickie always seem to do the trick. She's glad he's going to this party thing with her, it feels safer that way, especially since Jordan seems to be out of the picture. Sad thing, though, Patty had liked Jordan and tried to convince Graham that it was worth giving him a chance, but there was no way. He had decided that Jordan was nothing but trouble and bad influence on Angela. Exactly what it was about him that made Graham feel this strongly, Patty had never been able to figure out. The issue had actually caused them more than one big fight, as Patty just wouldn't accept the negative attitude without a real explanation. Graham had gotten mad the last time they talked about it, really mad, and asked her if she didn't want the best for their daughter. Then he had left, slamming the door shut behind him. After that time Patty had just tried not to make Jordan a subject when Graham was present, trying to avoid Angela getting into the same kind of fight with him. She sighs and walks down to clean up after dinner, come to think of it, there were few subjects she and her husband could really talk about without it developing into a fight these days.

Across the street Brian is having a hard time finding something to wear. He must admit that he has no idea what would be appropriate. "Do you know where my dark-blue tie is?" He shouts to his mother. "I have no idea, honey, but seriously, what do you need that for?" "Because, I'm, eh…uhm….going to a party…" So there, now it's out. "Oh, that's nice. Remember to bring a key, your father and I are going to Florida this weekend, remember, we're leaving tonight." Brian shrugs, he honestly didn't remember, but then again his parents are almost never at home. There's always a new convension or something they have to go to. He's used to having the house to himself, and he really doesn't mind. Finally he decides to drop the tie entirely, and puts on a grey sweater over his light blue shirt, and a pair of light beige corduroy pants. Even if his sense and knowledge of fashion is limited, or rather non-existant, he can't help but feel a bit outdated, and wonder what Rayanne is going to think. While looking at himself in the mirror, once again debating weather to wear the tie anyway or not, he realizes that for the first time in what seems like an eternity, Angela hasn't been the one to occupy his thoughts. "Strange…." He must have said it out loud. "What's strange, dear?" Brians mother is trying to carry an enormous suitcase down the stairs. "Could you help me with this one, Brian?"

Rayanne looks down on her clothes, does she really look like such a slut? She had pretended to be proud about being voted the one with most slut-potential in school, but actually she was everything but proud. Considering herself to be a free soul, she had never really bothered with how many boundaries or rules and regulations she had violated. Maybe she should have. The urge for alcohol dominates her entire body. She hasn't had a drink since that night with Jordan Catalano, she has even managed to stay sober without the help and support of Angela and Rickie. With that in mind she just can't understand why it feels different this time, why this time, she feels even more alone…. Sure, that Sharon girl had said that she was like her friend or something, but Rayanne just couldn't see that going anywhere, and to be completely honest she didn't want to be another one of Sharons so called charity cases, like that Delia character. No, she's an independent and strong young woman, able to make it on her own, no matter what people might say about her. "Yeah right! I can't even like convince myself of that." She says to herself walking past her mothers liquor cabinet. Maybe just one little drink would do the trick? Rayanne stares at the bottles. An hour later she is starting to get quite drunk.

"Brian! Phonecall for you! A girl, Rayanne or something!" Brians father yells out, probably loud enough for the all of the neighbors to hear. "Shut up! And don't say that like it's a shock to you that I actually have a girlfriend!" Ok, he didn't really want it to come out like that, and blushes, forcing the receiver out of his fathers hand. "What do you want, Graff?" Brian is very aware of both of his parents now standing at the bottom of the stairs watching him. "Is it like possible to have some privacy!" He yelps at them. "Ok, is that the way to greet your girlfriend…" Rayanne can hardly stop laughing. "Eh, uhm…sorry!" Brians cheeks turns an even deeper shade of red, and his glad nobody can see him. "Baby, I miss you. Why don't you come over, so we can go to the party together? Maybe we could have some fun right here too, like before we go…" "Uhm…" Brian swallows heavily. "I guess…" Her behaviour is confusing him even more than before, he's beginning to miss the time when she was straight out mean to him, at least then he knew what to expect from her. Still, he decides that showing up at the party with Rayanne would be much better than showing up all by himself. Not that he actually remembers why it was such a big deal to go there in the first place.

A surprised Shane looks from the keys in his hand to Jordan. "Did he just ask me to drive?" He thinks. Nobody drives Red, but Jordan, unless there's a very good reason for it. Shane gets in and starts the engine. "You know you're running very low on fuel?" He can hear Jordan let out a tired sigh, "I know, but I'm a little short on cash right now, do you think you could…." He starts coughing again, it sounds really painful. "It's ok, I'll help you out! No problem. You can pay me back later." Glancing worriedly at his best friend, he turns out into the street, heading for the nearest gas station.

Brian looks again at the paper in his hand, making sure that it's the correct address before knocking on the door. Rayanne must have been right on the other side of the door. "There you are loverboy!" She jumps up on him, putting her arms around his neck. "Don't you know it's not polite to keep a lady waiting for so long?" Brian walks into the apartment half carrying the clinging girl. "Come sit down! I'll make you a drink!" She jumps off him and drags him by the hand over to the couch. "Hold on! I thought you like quit drinking and stuff…." Brian looks at Rayanne, more thoroughly this time. "You're drunk!" "Nooooo!!!!" She giggles, and hushes him, putting one finger over her lips. A minute later Rayanne places two glasses on the table in front of Brian and carelessly throws herself down beside him. "I'll let you in on a little secret!" She leans in closer, and he can smell the alcohole on her breath, making him wrinkle his nose and turn away. "I'm just a tiny bit drunk… Want me to put some music on?" She jumps up and over to the stereo.

The music is really loud, Rayanne dances around on the floor. Brian is feeling a bit uncomfortable, he looks down at the glass in his hand and lifts it. The smell of it almost makes his eyes water. When he looks up again she is moving towards him, or dancing, he's not quite sure what to call it, wriggling her hips and looking at him in a way he has never been looked at before. Totally mesmerized by the look he gulps down his drink. The contents burns down his throat like a fire and he pinches his eyes closed. "Wow, Bri, I didn't know you were such a tough guy. I'll get you another one!" Rayanne grins. She brings the bottle back to the table with her. "Tequila" It says on the bottle. Rayanne places herself on Brians lap, facing him. "Here!" She holds the bottle up to his lips. "Oh, come on, baby!" Her voice sounds just a little bit impatient, he braces himself and takes another gulp, and then another one. Brian is starting to relax, and when Rayanne closes in and puts her lips over his it doesn't feel as awkward as he thought it would be. Clumsily he kisses her back, allowing her to take his tongue for a slight "dancing lesson".

"Wow! That was….uhm….like, that was…." Brian snuffles. "Good?" Rayanne smiles at him, for a moment actually seeing him and feeling slightly guilty for taking advantage of his innocence. He nods, and leans in to kiss her again. "If you liked that, you'll love this!" She mumbles against his lips. Brian gasps and pulls back. "What are you doing?" "Relax, Bri, baby!" Rayanne unzipps his pants and presses herself against him. It's like he has to remind himself to breathe all of a sudden, things are happening to his body that usually would have made him blush like crazy, but instead he leans back and feels something that must be desire build up inside.

"Rayanne Graff! What is this?" Rayanne jumps off him at the sound of her mothers voice. "Drinking? And…" Amber nods to Brian who desperately tries to zip up his pants again. "Acting like a slut! Get out Raynie, you have no idea how disappointed I am with you right now! Don't you remember I told you I was having a friend over? This house looks like shit! Now go!" She throws her daughter a jacket and holds the door open indicating that she wants them out as soon as possible. Out on in the street Brian stops and turns to look at Rayanne, finding her silently sobbing. Crying girls have always kind of made him feel helpless, he pulls her into a hug, and feels how she locks her arms around his torso. "She called me a slut too! My own mum called me a slut!" After a little while, Rayanne withdraws and dries her eyes. "Is my make-up all messed up?" She asks. Brian shakes his head. "Good! Now let's go have fun!" Rayanne reaches into her pocket finding a small bottle, she takes a sip, then turns it to Brian. "Here!" With shocked eyes she watches him finish it. "Wow! I wish I'd met this version of you before, Bri!" She giggles and grabs his hand. "Time to paaaartyyyy!"

"Yo, Catalano, we're here!" Jordan forces open his eyes, they feel like somebody has put sand in them. He had fallen asleep again. When they get out of the car they can hear the music all the way out in the street. "Come on in guys! Catalano, I didn't think you would show!" Tino greets them, trying to make himself heared over the music. Jordan feels a pounding headache sneak up on him. They enter and has to twine their way through a whole lot of people they have never seen before to get to the living room. "Hold on! I'll get you guys something to drink!" Tino walks away and bumps into Angela who's dancing with Rickie by the kitchen door. Shane notices. "Look, Catalano. That Angela girl you talk so much about, with that strange latino guy." Jordan looks up just in time to see Angela tuck her hair behind her ears and laugh at something Rickie must have said. It's like she lights up the whole room. "She actually looks kind of hot tonight!" The innocent remark from Shane makes Jordan clench his fists in jealousy.

"Here you go!" Tino hands them each a bottle of beer. Shane immediately proposes a toast and starts drinking. "You know, who's here together?" Tino sits down at the armrest of the couch, and continues before either of them can answer. "Rayanne Graff is here with that genius guy, Brian Krakow, or something. They were all over each other out on the terrace when I last saw them." Tino shakes his head in disbelief. "I never thought I would see her with a guy like him!" Shane starts laughing. "Are you jealous, Tino?" He gets smacked in the head as a reply. "Oh shut up! But you guys I have some ideas for a new song…" Jordan is having trouble keeping his eyes open, and it's like Tinos voice comes in and out, like someone is fiddling with the volume control. He feels kind of dizzy.

Angela spotted him the moment he entered the room. It's like she can sense his presence or something. She watches how he leans back on the couch, closing his eyes, then Tino returns with their drinks. Angela really tries to keep her attention on Rickie, but it's like her eyes have a will of their own, refusing to leave Jordan. The three of them look like they have a serious conversation, even if Jordan doesn't seem to participate much. He sits with the bottle in his hands leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, looking really tired.

Rickie has no problems noticing that Angela is not exactly with him mentally at the moment, so he leans over to her and says. "Hey, Angela, I'm going to have a look around to see if I find somebody we know. I'll bring back a soda for you, ok?" She nods, but without taking her eyes off Jordan. Rickie decides to out on the terrace to get some fresh air, and walks right into a scene he never in his wildest imagination thought he would see. Rayanne Graff and Brian Krakow kissing and…. It's like passing an accident on the highway, you don't want to see, but yet you have to.

Eventually Brian notices him being there and whispers something into Rayannes ear. She turns and smiles. "Hey Rickie, my best friend! Have a drink with us! Bri, baby, why don't you run in and get us another beer." Rickie finds himself in what feels most of all like the twilight zone, sitting on the edge of the terrace with them. Brian, or Bri as Rayanne suddenly has decided to call him, giggling like a schoolgirl, drinking and kissing Rayanne whenever he has the chance, and Rayanne allowing him to do so. "Rayanne, you know you really shouldn't drink!" Rickie tries to get through to her, but she just shrugs. "Why not? Don't you think I deserve to have a little fun? Am I that terrible a person?" Brian does his best to calm her down, but doesn't succeed before he pulls her back on the wooden floor and places himself more or less on top of her, starting to kiss her again.

"Angela!" Sharon hugs her from behind, forcing her to turn around, and away from Jordan for a short while. "Why are you standing here all by yourself? You know I have to tell you something, I have the most amazing news for you!" Angela smiles and pretends to be interested while turning back, just to see that Jordan is gone. "Kyle and I was at Starbucks, you know the one close to our school, and you have no idea who I saw, like together…." "Sorry, Sharon, I have to go to the bathroom, but I'll be back soon!" Angela makes her way out of the living room.

Shane keeps his eyes on Jordan, his face is white as a sheet, and he's way to quiet. Ok, he's not exactly a guy who talks a whole lot normally either, but at least he usually has something to say when they discuss their band. Right in the middle of Tinos description of this great new song, Jordan gets up and leaves the room. "What's with him?" Tino sounds slightly irritated. "I don't know… I'm kind of worried, he's been acting weird for some time now." Shane tries to get up and go after him, but Tino holds him down, handing him yet another bottle. "Chill, Shane, Catalano's a big boy, he can take care of himself. He's always been kind of weird you know, he'll come around. So, what do you think about the song?"

In the bathroom, Jordan finally manages to stop the room from spinning. He looks at himself in the mirror, but looks away immediately in disgust. Maybe it would have been a good idea to drink something anyway, maybe it would have muffled the pain that more or less seem to fill his entire body. He's exhausted, from not sleeping, from thinking, from coughing, he just wants to find somewhere that he can be alone.

Angela is starting to think that Jordan might have gone home, she has been looking for him for almost 20 minutes. Then suddenly she hears coughing and talking from the other side of a closed door. She knocks, but whoever is inside either doesn't hear her or doesn't want to hear her. Angela is about to leave and go back to find Rickie, when the coughing starts again, heavier this time. She takes a deep breath and opens the door. Jordan is sitting on a small couch looking like he's trying to cough up his lounges or something. Looking around Angela realizes that the talking she heared must have been the television, there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the room. Her attention quickly returns to Jordan who seems to be wincing in pain and struggling hard to breathe. She runs over to him, kneeling down on the couch beside him, stroking his hair. "Jordan, oh my God, are you ok?"


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews! It's just amazing! I'm sorry this chapter has taken some time to get out, I just couldn't get the first part the way I wanted it. I'm still not 100 happy with it, so don't kill me, ok?_

_I've already started the writing the next chapter, hopefully I will have that out tomorrow sometime._

_Love you guys! Please read & review - and make my day :)_

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**Chapter 10**

The silky feel of his hair underneath her fingers, she can't believe how much she has missed that. Angela carefully put her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. "Jordan, please, is there something I can do?" "I'm fine…" Jordan manages to get out through gritted teeth. "You are not fine! You shouldn't even be here, you're sick, Jordan, you idiot, you should be like home in bed!" Angela is scared, and that makes her angry. It's obvious that Jordan doesn't take very good care of himself, allowing himself to get in this bad a shape. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" She says sadly, hugging him, holding him tight, waiting for the coughing to ease off.

Jordan wishes that Angela would stop talking and just hold him, make him forget everything like she used to do, but she is obviously angry, and his feverish brain can't seem to figure out why. "What are you doing here?" His hoarse voice makes her lean back enough to look him in the eyes. Angela gently strokes the hair away from his face, gasping at the sight of the bruises. "What happened?" He shrugs. "It's a long story, I'm fine now." Jordan doesn't know why he's lying, this is Angela, the only person that matters. Why should he go on saying he's fine when he's far from it? Then again, why the hell should Angela really care about him, after the way he's been treating her. He promised himself he would never ever lie to her, and even if he hasn't told a direct lie, not telling her the whole truth about the Rayanne-incident and the letter, can't be too far from actually lying to her face. Jordan knows in his heart he would have major problems forgiving a thing like that. He wants Angela in his life, he needs her, but he doesn't deserve her, he's just as bad as his father said, he's a disgrace. No wonder why nobody can manage to really love him, and why the one who maybe has been the closest to ever do it, turned away. He should have left the party, he needs to be alone. He deserves to be alone.

Jordan keeps insisting that he's fine, but there's no way she's buying it. He seems like he might pass out any second. He's trying to sit up straight, but even that seems to be too much for him right now. It bothers her that all the time he seems to avoid looking her in the eyes. "I'm worried about you, Jordan!" There she said it. There's so many things she wants to say to him, how much it hurts her to see him like this and how difficult it is to move on when she still loves him, but he is even more distant than ever. The moment of closeness from when she held him seems like ages ago, he's slipping away again, locking himself up somewhere inside.

He sits up, releasing himself from her embrace, trying to create some distance between them, trying to gather enough strength to make her think he doesn't care. It's for the best. He'll only end up hurting her all over again…. God! He's so tired. "Angela I…" He doesn't want her to be worried about him, he wants her to love him! Words come out of his mouth that he certainly never intended to say. "I….miss you!" Shit! That was his heart taking control. "I know I have no right, and that you probably don't care, but…" Good one, Jordan! Make it worse by babbling away. He sighs. It's like fighting a battle of one, even if you win, you have still lost. Jordan doesn't dare looking at Angela, she'll read him like an open book in a split second, she always does, and the fact that she doesn't say anything pretty much says it all.

Angela doesn't know what to say. Jordan still doesn't look at her. She wants to tell him that she misses him too, but something holds her back, she needs to know that he isn't just playing tricks with her again. Angela is so through being made a fool of, actually just the thought of it makes her a bit angry. Trust is such a big part of a relationship, and Jordan really needs to earn her trust all over again, if it is at all possible. They sit in silence, side by side, both making sure not to touch the other. It feels strange. The crackling sound of his strained breathing is the only thing to be heard. His head is in his hands. She can't help staring at him, and feel like… Like she has to save him, or something… Right! Jordan Catalano needs to be saved, like from himself. Angela shakes her head and looks away, "Brilliant thought, Angela!" She thinks ironically. "You're afraid of him playing tricks with your mind, and yet you manage that very well all by yourself."

The silence is awkward. Jordan is fighting to keep up his appearance and Angela is fighting herself not to throw all cautions aside. She puts her hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly. "I know about the letter…." Jordan holds his breath. "I know…." It's like a whisper, it's all he can find the energy to. "I just don't know if I can, like, trust you again… You like, lied to me." The sadness and hurt in her voice almost kills him.

Angela is half waiting for him to defend himself, but he doesn't. He just sits there with his face still buried in his hands, breathing raggedly like he's been out running or something. "I'm sorry…." He whispers. "I…." The door opens, and he is cut off by Rickie storming into the room. "Angela! There you are! I've been searching for you like everywhere! You need to come, Brian Krakow's in trouble!" Rickie looks from Angela to Jordan, like he suddenly senses that he might have interrupted something. Jordan raises his head slightly, but keeps his eyes locked on the table in front of him. "Go… Brain needs you!" Rickie wonders if Angela notices that the last words are spoken out like it hurts him physically to say them.

She looks at Jordan, and realizes that her hand is still on his arm. Slowly she removes it. "I guess I have to…." He nods. Angela allows Rickie to drag her off the couch and towards the door, before she turns to look back. Jordans whole appearance tells her that there is something wrong, she really doesn't want to leave him. No matter what he did or didn't do to her, she cares. "Angela!" Rickie pulls her hand. "Brian, remember?" "Uhm, yeah…Brian…" As she walks away she decides to go back and check on Jordan as soon as she has found out what kind of trouble Brian has gotten himself into. She suddenly stops, and as she still is holding Rickies hand she almost makes him loose his balance in the process. "Wait a second! Brian Krakow is here? Like at the party?" Angela kind of remembers him shouting something like that to her as she got into her fathers car earlier that day, but she didn't pay much attention to it. Brian never goes to parties like this, or to put it correctly: Brian never goes to any party at all. "What is he doing here? And why is he like, in trouble?"

Rickie starts walking again, dragging her through the crowd towards the terrace. "Brian is drunk, and he got himself into a fight. And…." He turns to face Angela, has to see the expression on her face when he says this. "….he's obviously here with Rayanne, they seem like they are like a couple or something." Angelas eyes widen in shock. "What??" "Don't ask, I know nothing about it. I like litterally stumbled over them earlier tonight. They are both quite drunk, though…."

The scene on the terrace is nothing but surreal. Brian is sitting on a chair with a paper towel under his nose. He has blood stains on his shirt. Rayanne is standing, or rather swaying, next to him, stroking his back gently. On the other side of the terrace, a few guys Angela doesn't know the names of, seem to be holding back a quite upset Tino. She looks at Rickie in total confusion, more than happy to let him do the talking. "What happened Brian? Sharon told me to get Angela and come out here, she told me that you were like, in trouble?" Brian raises his head, and starts talking. He's snuffling. "Well, that jerk over there…" Pointing to Tino. "…started insulting Rayanne. I had to teach him a lesson!" Tinos voice sounds from across the terrace. "Teach me a lesson? Yeah, right little boy! I would have done much more than give you a nose bleed if these guys hadn't stopped me, but I guess they're right, you're just not worth it. Neither of you are!" He gets up and walks back inside, slamming the door behind him.

Angela closes her eyes for a second, she can't believe it; Brian Krakow drunk, and fighting to defend Rayanne Graffs honour. The disbelief in her eyes must have been very obvious, because Rayanne shoots her a look, before putting her arms around Brian, sort of demonstrating. "You were so brave, Bri! Nobody has ever done anything like that for me before! It's so nice to have someone who like, cares!"

Sharon and Kyle joins them outside. "How are you doing, Brian?" Sharon looks at him with worried eyes. "I thought maybe Brian could catch a lift with you back home." She turns to Angela. "You thought what?" Angela shakes her head. "I'm not going yet, and I'm sure Brian can get home on his own." She has seen enough, the looks Rayanne is sending her and the fact that Brian hasn't either spoken to her nor looked at her since she came out is a clear indication that they don't exactly want her there.

Brian looks up at Rayanne, then at Angelas back as she walks back inside. He's kind of dizzy from the drinking and his nose hurts a bit. Being around Angela suddenly becomes too much, he will not allow her to spoil the fun he has had with Rayanne today. Brian gets up and takes Rayannes hand. "Come on, I have money, we'll grab a cab back to my place!" Rayanne giggles childishly and lets him lead her in through the living room and out through the front door. "My parents are away for the weekend." He doesn't know exactly why he said that, or what he thinks might happen, but he just knows this is his chance to experience something he'd only dreamed about before.

Jordan leans back on the couch, now that Angela is gone, he doesn't have to pretend like he's ok anymore, he's freezing and his head feels like it's twice its normal size. Of course it had to be Krakow again, whenever he needs Angela she's there for him. Jordan can't believe it, Brian lied to her about the letter too. He's just as guilty, but that jerk Krakow might have managed to push all guilt over to Jordan in his process of getting Angela for himself. He has to try and find her, make her at least listen to his side of the story, even if it doesn't make a difference, he has to tell her, explain to her how he never ever intended to hurt her. Getting up from the couch makes him dizzy, and the mere exertion of just standing makes him start coughing again. Jordan pulls down his sleeve and tries to muffle the noise with his hand. The stabbing pains in his chest makes tears roll down his cheeks. Slowly he manages to calm his breath, he wipes his face with his hand and walks out to find Angela.

Shane is worried. He's been looking for Jordan without any luck, and as Red is still parked in front of the house, he's quite sure that he must still be somewhere in the house. Moving across the living room through the dancing crowd, Shane bumps into someone, making the person fall over. "Sorry!" He turns to help, and looks right down at that red-haired girl Jordan likes so much, Angela or something. "Hey! It's you!" He says giving her his hand to help her stand up. "Are you ok?" She nods, and turns to walk a way. "Angela?" At the sound of the tone in Shanes voice, she turns around. "Yes?" "I…uhm…can I talk to you for a second? I'm Shane, by the way, Jordans friend." He holds out his hand once more. Angela smiles and takes his hand, shaking it. "I know who you are. Why do you like want to talk to me?" She seems a bit shy, yet curious and surprised that he wants to talk to her, and Shane feels a bit guilty for not treating her very well, or rather ignoring her very existence when he ever came across her and Jordan.

Angela looks at Shane, he's actually being quite nice to her. "It's about Jordan. Have you seen him?" The worry in his eyes, makes her forget her shyness, it's obvious she's not the only one concerned. "I talked to him about 10 minutes ago, I don't think he's very well. What happened to him, Shane?" He shrugs. "That's just it, I don't know. We usually tell each other stuff, if you know what I mean…." Shane grins at her, and Angela blushes. "….but not this time. He's been acting weird all week, and tonight he had an argument with his father just before we came here. He even gave me the keys to Red….." Somebody turns the music up, and the rest of his sentence drowns in the pumping bass line. "What?" Shane leans down, puts his arm around her shoulder and talk with his lips just next to her ear. "I just said he never ever allows anyone to drive Red, if it's not a very good reason for it. I'm worried about him Angela, there's something wrong. Will you help me find out what's going on?" Shane pulls back. "Yeah, definitely! I'm worried about him too…." He leans down again, giving her a hug. "I'm starting to see what Catalano sees in you!" He says with a little laugh. "Now, let's go find him!" They start moving towards the door, Shanes arm still around her shoulders.

A few feet away from the door something makes Angela look up, she looks straight into Jordans eyes, and stops. Shane crashes into her back, making her take another step forward to regain her balance. The look in Jordans eyes is like nothing she has ever seen, it's a chaos of disbelief, pain, sorrow, anger and something else she can't seem to catch. His eyes have always been very expressive, but now he doesn't have to say a word, his pain is so strong it feels like it's inside of her as well. Jordan opens his mouth as if he's about to say something, then he closes it and turns, walking rapidly towards the front door. "Jordan!" Angela and Shane yells, rushing after him.

Seeing Angela in Shanes arms caused him more pain than anything else he had ever been trough, it's like someone has ripped his heart out of his chest and thrown it to the floor. Jordan tries not to stare, but he can't take his eyes off them. Tears sting his eyes, as Shane leans down to kiss Angela on the cheek, then pull her into an embrace. He can hardly support the weight of his own body, his legs are shaking uncontrollably, he grabs hold of the doorframe so hard his knuckles whiten. Thousands of chaotic thoughts run through his mind, then suddenly they start moving towards him. Jordan knows he should get away from there, but he can't make his numb body move. It's just a matter of time now before they have to notice him. They stop, crash into each other. He can't not see where Shanes hands end up. This is not supposed to happen! Shane is like his best friend, and Angela, Jordan looks into her in the eyes pouring all of his emotions out, watching her react to it, Angela is the only girl he has ever really loved. His eyes shift to Shane, anger in them, best friends doesn't do this to each other! Jordan is about to say something, but the words kind of get stuck in his throat. He manages to rip loose his fingers and turns away.


	11. Chapter 11

_Wow 9 reviews for chapter 10 - I'm amazed, and to be honest in shock, but most of all proud that you like this story! Sorry for the late update though, I've been working day and night lately, so I just haven't had the time to get this chapter into my computer. But, here it is! A lot of Jordan in this one, most of it actually, his thoughts and a bit on his background/childhood ;) Hope you still like it, and that you continue reviewing, you guys make writing fun! _

_From this chapter the story can take two turns (ok Jackie one will give you all the fluff you need ;)), what do you think guys, what do you see happening from here. I have started writing two different chapter 12 and will pick the one closest to what you guys want :)_

_So, please read & review, you guys are the greatest!_

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**Chapter 11**

Angela catches up with Jordan just as he reaches his car. "Jordan! Where are you going?" He turns around, facing her for a second before he closes his eyes and shakes his head, like it hurts just looking at her. "Leave me alone! I have to go!" Jordan tries to move away, but Angela grabs his arm. She hears him sigh heavily. "Please!" "Catalano! Man, you're not leaving, are you?" Shane's all out of breath after jogging over to them. "Wow, I guess I really ought to stop smoking!" The effort of telling a joke makes, Jordan turn towards him, "I thought you were my best friend, Shane! I thought I could like trust you!" He coughs, and Angela watches how he gets even paler. "I thought I could trust you!" Jordan is starting to sound really tired. "And as for you!" He turns to Angela. "Stop giving me that shit about honesty, like you've been completely honest all the time. You could have just told me…" The last words are nothing more than a whisper as Jordan gets into his car and drives away. Leaving Angela and Shane totally confused.

Jordan never thought that a girl would make him fall to pieces like this, he probably never even thought about the possibility of Angela getting together with another guy, let alone Shane of all people. Of course he had been jealous of Krakow, but this was something else entirely. Shane is a real guy! Brian is, like a jerk, a goofy brainiac. When he thinks back now, it was more the friendship, the closeness and the fact that Brian had known Angela for all these years he had been jealous of. That special bond that always seemed to keep them connected in a way, a way that makes him feel left out. But Shane…it feels like a double betrayal. Shane never even seemed to like Angela much, always referring to her as that weird girl that hangs out with Rayanne Graff, always ignoring her whenever he came across the two of them together. Suddenly he remembers the comment Shane had made earlier that evening, about how Angela looked really hot. "Ahhhrrrg…." Jordan hits his hands on the steering wheel and come only inches from driving straight into a parked car. Jordan backs out of the dead-end street and drives towards the park. He's almost there when he changes his mind, and make a u-turn.

Jordan turns off the headlights and let the car slide silently into the darkened street. At the end he parks the car, and starts to get out of the car when a sudden dizzy spell comes over him. He sinks back into his seat clutching his chest, the cold air stings his lunges and the coughing causes so much pain he can hardly breathe. It's like his entire body is falling apart, the sight of the coughed up blood in his hands makes him panic. "What the hell's wrong with me?" He sobs. At first he had thought that the reason for feeling so shitty was a result of the last beating he got, after all he had taken some nasty blows to the chest, but he's not getting any better, he's just getting worse. Jordan closes his eyes and tries to calm himself, without any luck. The sight of the blood has brought him back in time, made him relive a memory he has been trying to block out for so long.

_"He was 10 years old, running home from school. Jordan didn't really like school much, the other kids bullied him all the time, calling him names, just because he wasn't that good at reading and stuff. Shane was his only real friend. Home was his shelter from it all, his mum always had the ability to make him feel good about himself again. As soon as he entered the front door he instinctively knew that something was wrong. "Mum?" Jordan kicked off his shoes and stuck his head in through the living room door. There was no sign of her. "Strange!" He thought, as a creepy feeling started growing in his stomach. That was when he heard the crying for help. Jordan ran upstairs. The sight of his mother on the bedroom floor, barely breathing, coughing blood. How can a child forget? Jordan watched his mother die, holding her hand, letting his tears drip down on her face. Lounge cancer his father had told him, from smoking too much. He had been devastated, they both had been. Not long after the beatings had started. The grieving stopped and the terror started."_

What if he is dying too? He's smoking, maybe it's some kind of curse or something. A curse for not being good enough for the Catalano name. Jordan is trembling all over, and his head is starting to feel as if someone has stuffed it with cotton. He reaches out for his jacket, but remembers that he left it at Tinos. Slowly he turns to grab his bag from the backseat, but it's not there, it's still at Shanes. Everything he's got is what he's wearing, and the notebook in his glove compartment. He pulls it out, looks at the words, and then adds another few lines:

"it hurts, as all you know, is broken down, into something irrecognizable, fragments, of what once was…"

Angela and Shane; it seems the only thoughts his brain is still able to hold are revolving around them. Had she chosen any other guy, he would still have had his best friend, as it turned out now, he has lost them both. Yet another two people he loves, the only two people still important in his life, to disappear. Leaving him, just like his mother. When he met Angela he had eventually allowed himself to believe that things could change, but then he just had to screw everything up, so badly. Jordan doesn't have the strength to stay angry. In a way it feels good to know that Shane is a decent guy, he'll be good to Angela, much better than him, anyway.

Jordan coughs hard, the physical pain mixes with the tormenting thoughts, and leaves him too worn down to even care about the freezing cold. Just before he drifts into something between sleep and unconsciousness it hits him. Who would really miss him if he was gone? No one…it's sad, but true. There's nothing left for him here, he's got nowhere to go, yet he can't stay. But before he leaves, he has to see her one more time, tell her that he's sorry for everything, and beg her not to hate him too much. Maybe then, one way or another he will find some peace of mind.

Angela lets out a resigned sigh. Shane had called his brother, Tim, and asked him to bring the car around so that they could go look for Jordan. For a few hours now, they have driven around the neighbourhood searching, but he seems to have vanished, there's no sign of him or his car anywhere. She holds his hand in a tight grip, Shane doesn't think she's aware of it though. They are both worried, Jordans behaviour had gone from strange to completely incomprehensible.

"Why was he so mad at us? What did we do to upset him?" Angelas blue eyes reflect her inner feelings like a mirror. "I have no idea. I wish I knew…" Shane looks back at her with sad eyes. "It's like he's a total stranger, I don't know this Jordan!" He looks down at their hands. Angela loosens her grip and pulls her hand away from his. "Sorry!" "It's ok." He smiles, rubbing his hand to get the flow of blood back to normal. "Really, I'm the one who should be sorry. The way I've treated you in the past, it's like…." Shane shrugs, resigned, unable to find the words to describe it. "Well…" Angela smiles slightly. "I used to feel like I was a major problem to you, or something. A distraction for Jordan. To be honest I kind of hated you at times. You were Jordans friend and I like wanted so much for you to accept me as his girlfriend, or as a person even…" "Uhm…" Shane pretends to search the park they are passing, but the colour of his ears show evidence that he's actually blushing. Shane Kelleher is blushing!

Angela immediately feels sorry for him. "Shane, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I like you now…" She puts her hand on his knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "No, no, you've every right to say those things. You know, when Jordan first got an interest in you I couldn't understand it. You were nothing like the girls he had been with before. You seemed so innocent. I was certain that he would get tired of you as soon as he had gotten what he wanted, or even toss you aside since you were not likely to give in to him just like that. But he didn't.

After he met you he started changing, to the better I suppose, for him at least. For me it was hard, it was like he was outgrowing me all of a sudden, moving on. He suddenly showed an interest in going to class. He's not stupid you know, he just never got the help he needed, and kind of lost interest. When he told me that you had figured out about his reading disability, I was shocked. Not that you found out, but that he actually could admit that he had a problem. Seeing how close the two of you got, well I guess I felt kind of left out. I mean Jordan and I grew up together, and here you came along and the two of you just connected in a way…. The quiet Jordan suddenly had something to talk about, and we talked a lot about you, or that is, Jordan would talk, and I would pretend not to be interested…. He loves you, you know, ok, he may never have said the exact words, but it's quite obvious…"

They both stay quiet for a while, both running everything Shane just said, over and over in their minds. Angela is first to break the silence. "I love him too…" She whispers, tears in her eyes. Shane pulls her into a hug. "Then tell him, he needs to know. He may have done some stupid things, but I know he never meant to hurt you…"

"Wow!" Brian says, rolling over on his back. "I know!" Rayanne smiles and curls up against him like a purring kitten. "Do you want another drink?" He stretches over to the bedside table for the almost empty whiskey bottle. Brian knows he's drunk, and about to loose control completely, but he's never felt more liberated , and he just doesn't want this feeling to end. Being here with Rayanne in his parents bed, it's just like an amazing, yet absurd fantasy.

"Rayanne what is really happening here?" He just has to do a reality check, see if she's real. She looks up at him with cloudy eyes. "I like have no idea, Bri, but it's good. Don't you think?" Rayanne starts kissing his chest, moving down to his stomach. "And right now I want some more! You're like my drug, Bri! I don't need alcohol and stuff when I'm with you." Another wave of passion builds up inside of him. Years of locked up desire. Brian is in awe of what she can make his body feel, and non the less, what he can do to her. Reason or reality is no longer a subject, as they again melt into one another.

Angela can't sleep. Tim and Shane had driven her home after they stopped by the party to pick up Rickie. Needless to say, neither of them were in the mood to go back inside. She just isn't able to forget the look in Jordans eyes, she had no idea that so much pain could possibly be locked up inside one person. Just the thought of it makes her want to cry. Talking to Shane had put things into a whole new perspective. All the time she had thought that Jordan wanted to keep them a secret because he was embarrass being seen with her, he had really been trying to protect her. He had seen how Shane reacted and said that if his best friend felt like that he wouldn't risk putting her, or himself for that matter, through facing what others might say. Not the best way to deal maybe, but at least his intentions had been good.

Shane had also told Angela a few things about Jordans family to make her understand him a bit better. At first he wasn't willing to, he felt like betraying Jordan or something She had begged and pleaded, and eventually he had given in, but not without making it clear to her that she would have to get Jordan to tell her the rest. Jordans childhood hadn't exactly been the happiest one. Loosing his mother, whom he had been very close to, at the age of 10, and the fact that he always felt like he was a disappointment to his father, yet another thing that made him more or less give up on school, since he never lived up to the standards set by his old man anyway. Jordan had been bullied all through his childhood, he was a slow learner and the kids had been merciless, like only kids can be. Not a day went by without him being called names, yet he almost never got into a fight. He would rather run away, hide somewhere until things cooled down, not because he wasn't able to defend himself, he was probably stronger than the bullies by far. Jordan just hated fights, and always got very uncomfortable around people in heated arguments. Shane had smiled and said: "Hell, I was the one who got into all the fights, trying to defend both myself and him, and I wasn't half as strong as him. The only times I ever saw him get physical with anyone was to save my sorry ass!"

It's amazing how everything suddenly seemed totally different. Shane thinks Jordan loves her. Angela should have been happy, and she would have been, if she had only known what had made Jordan so upset with them, and if he was safe somewhere. Obviously he was not feeling well at all, and shouldn't be out driving all by himself. They had passed his house a few times on their search. Angela had been surprised to see the state of the neighbourhood, but tried hard to hide it. "Red" had been nowhere to be seen, and that made them all certain that Jordan hadn't gone home.

Angela gets out of bed, and walks over to the window. The sky is clear and a thousand stars shine brightly down at her, it's beautiful, but somehow that only makes her more sad. "Jordan, I'm sorry for not giving you a chance to explain…"

Jordan opens his eyes slowly, completely disorientated, trying to focus. There's not a single part of his body that doesn't hurt. For a moment he thinks it's the result of yet another beating from his father, but little by little his brain starts working, at least at what seem to be half-speed. "Angela!" His thoughts from last night come back to him, he has to talk to her, one last time, then he'll drive away, and never come back. He bends forward to open the door, and manages to gather enough energy to get himself out. A moan escapes his lips as the thoughts of taking just one step makes him feel like fainting from exhaustion.

Graham looks out of the kitchen window and frowns. "What the…." He can hear Patty and Danielle talking upstairs, with a sigh of relief he walks over to the front door and opens it.

Jordan has no idea how he has gotten here, but he's standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to Angelas front door. He coughs and grabs hold of the banister as the world starts spinning and the nausea fills him. "What are YOU doing here?" A not exactly happy voice yells at him, it's like waves of sound pounding down on him making his head feel like exploding. He tries to concentrate, tries to make his mind figure out what the voice is saying.

Graham walks down the stairs taking in sad figure, the kid's obviously drunk or stoned or something. He's swaying slightly like he struggling to hold his balance, his clothes are wrinkled and not exactly clean, and his eyes have a distant and dimmed look in them.

After a little while Jordan recognizes Angelas father, and tries to clear his voice. "Eh….Angela?" Graham grabs his arm, making him wince. "You really think she wants to talk to you? Believe me, she doesn't want to see you ever again! And to be honest, I'm glad! You are nothing but trouble, and you'll only drag my little girl down. Showing up here in this kind of state…." Graham removes his hand like he's been burned, and looks at Jordan with disgust and anger. "You're obviously high or something! You make me sick!" Jordan feels how tears start welling up in his eyes, this is not fair, he wants to set the situation straight, but he can't seem to find a single word.

Graham walks back up to the front door, then turns. "Are you still here? Get off my property or I'll call the police on you!" He slams the door shut. Jordan feel how he's knees are close to collapsing, but manages to stay on his feet. "Tell her I'm sorry….for everything…." He whispers, before turning to walk away.

"Who was that at the door, Graham?" Pattie sends her husband a scrutinizing look. "Oh, just someone who was completely lost, asking for directions." Graham walks back into the kitchen without looking at her. She follows him. "I thought I heard you yelling…." "It was nothing, ok! Forget it, whoever was at the door is gone now!" Pattie can't understand why he reacts the way he does, but then again she almost feels like Graham is a stranger these days. She just don't get him anymore, he's angry all the time. Come to think of it, the whole thing started when Angelas Jordan became an issue.

Angela is still standing by the window when Danielle knocks on her door to tell her that breakfast is ready. She's exhausted after just about an hour of sleep all together. All night she was tossing and turning, millions of thoughts running through her head, haunting her. Just as she is about to walk away from the window something catches her attention on the outside. A staggering figure walking down their driveway. Butterflies start moving around in her stomach. He looks just like….. Suddenly she's in a hurry, grabbing a pair of jeans and pulling them on as she runs out of the room and down the stairs. "What's the rush?" Pattie comes out from the kitchen when she hears her oldest daughter. "Are you going out? Angela you have to eat!" Angela stops her desperate search for her shoes and looks up at her mother accusingly. "Mum, why didn't you tell me that Jordan was here!" Pattie looks confused. "But honey, he hasn't been here, there was someone at the door a few minutes ago, but they were just asking for directions, your father…." She shuts up and turns to face Graham. "Graham?" Angela looks from her mother to her father, senses that something is not right between them, but no time to deal with that right now. She gives up on finding the shoes and runs out into the street barefoot, leaving the door wide open behind her. "Jordan!" He doesn't seem to hear her, but doesn't move very fast, and she soon catches up with him. "Jordan!" He turns around. "Angela?"

His throat hurts, making her name sound funny. Jordan lifts a hand and gently strokes her cheek. "I'm sorry, don't hate me, please!" Speaking makes him start coughing, and it's like all energy leaves his body. He feels how his knees collapse and how Angela tries to catch him, but fails. His head hit the pavement, and as everything go dark all he can see is Angelas beautiful blue eyes, thinking he never got the chance to tell her that he love her.


	12. Chapter 12

_Sorry for being slow at updating AGAIN, I'm so glad that you still keep reading & reviewing. The reason for the slow updating isn't that I don't know what to write, but merely that I just couldn't get these two next chapters the way I wanted them, I find them both a bit boring... Hope you all manage to get through them without falling asleep ;) Chapter 12 up here, chapter 13 will be up tomorrow. I wonder if you will recognize the young doctor in this chapter ;) He will be a part of the story for a while I think, I have some plans for him, but nothing certain yet. Please read & review... I really need your openion on this. And if there are logical errors when it comes to how things work in the states, I'm sorry for not being more into that :)_

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**Chapter 12**

Jordan looks like he's about to say something when he suddenly collapses at her feet. Angela tries to catch him, but just isn't fast enough. "Jordan! Oh my God! Jordan!" Her screaming makes Pattie and Graham hurry over to her.

Pattie is terrified at the sight in front of her; Jordan lifeless on the pavement and her daughter on her knees next to him trying to wake him. Angela looks up with desperation in her eyes. "Mum, he's hardly breathing!" Tears are pouring down her face, but she doesn't seem to notice. Patties stomach ties itself into a giant and painful knot as she kneels down beside her daughter and realizes that she is right, but even worse is the bluish tone of Jordans skin, like he's not getting enough oxygen . Angela strokes the hair back from his face. "Mum, I think he's got a fever, we must do something!" "Don't worry honey, we'll get him help! Graham call an ambulance!" As Pattie turns her head a confused look appears on her face, her husband must have gone back into the house. Danielle is the only one standing there, with a scared look on her face. "Danielle, go back inside and check if daddy's called an ambulance. If not, you do it, ok?" She smiles reassuringly at her youngest daughter and manages to sound much more calm than she is. When neither Danielle nor Graham returns within a few minutes, Pattie decides to go back to the house to look for them.

"I'll be right back!" Pattie jumps to her feet and runs inside. Angela doesn't even seem to notice. "Graham?" She finds him at the kitchen table reading his newspaper. At the sound of her voice he looks up, clearly irritated. "What?" He snaps at her. "Did you call an ambulance?" Graham just stares at her. "No!" "But…" Pattie tries. "And I'm not going to. That boy is drunk or stoned or whatever. It's not our obligation to solve this. Heaven knows what kind of diseases he might have! Have you thought about that Pattie? What he might pass on to our daughter? Have you thought about that??? Or are you as caught up in him as she is?" "Graham!" She looks at him in shock. "You can't be serious! And anyway this is not the time! Jordan needs our help, no matter what you think! And talking of obligations, it is our obligation to help! As humans!" Her voice has turned into a shrill. "I'm out of here!" Graham picks up his car keys and head for the door. Shortly she can hear his car start and drive away.

Danielle enters the room with the phone still in her hand. "Why did dad leave?" "Uhm, he had a meeting." Pattie knows she doesn't exactly sound very convincing. "Ok…." Danielle hesitates for a second. "The ambulance will be here in 10 minutes. Shouldn't we go back out to Angela?" Pattie nods. "You go ahead, I'll just try to get hold of Jordans dad, his last name is Catalano, right?" Danielle shrugs. "I think so, but I'm not sure…"

It causes her physical pain to listen to the ragged and shallow breathing. Angela keeps talking, words just pouring out of her. She keeps begging him not to leave her, telling him how much she cares about him. "I'm so sorry Jordan…." She's frightened half to death of what might happen, and the feeling of guilt for knowing he was ill and not doing anything almost tears her apart.

Jordan tries to focus on Angelas voice, he can't hear the words, but the sound surrounds him. It makes him feel save in a way, he clings to her voice like it's his only lifeline. He wants so much to open his eyes, to look at her, but it all hurts too much, and he's so tired, it feels like a relief to just let himself float away into the darkness.

Danielle watches her sister from a few feet away. She is scared and confused, she has only met Jordan a couple of times and doesn't know him at all, but still, anyone in this condition would have freaked her out, and seeing how frightened her sister is and how desperate she sounds just adds to it.

"How is he?" Pattie kneels down beside Angela again, not needing to wait for a reply to both see and hear that there's no improvement. "I tried to call his father, but the phone is disconnected, I…" Angela raises her head. "Mum, what if he dies?" Her shoulders shake from suppressed sobbing, but she tries to keep her voice calm. "Don't think like that sweetie!" Pattie takes off her jacket and puts it over Jordan. Even if he seem to have quite a high fever, the ground is icy and cold, and the poor kid doesn't need any more health problems. "Where's dad?" Luckily the ambulance arrives and Pattie doesn't have to answer.

The paramedics pulls Angela aside, gently forcing her to let go of his hand, and start working on Jordan. Pattie embraces both her daughters, and they remain in each others arms as they watch the hectic activity in front of them. Jordan looks like a doll when they lift him over to the stretcher. They place an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and sticks an needle into his hand to give him fluids. "We're ready! Any of you riding with him?" Pattie strokes Angelas hair. "You go, dear! We'll be right behind you!" Angela climbs in after the stretcher and the car starts moving immediately.

"You can sit here, hold his hand if you want to, but be careful with the needle." "Is he going to…" She isn't able to complete the sentence before her voice breaks. "He's very sick, dear, but his breathing has improved a bit with the oxygen. Is he your boyfriend?" The paramedic is just trying to make conversation, there's nothing new to the situation. This is something he has been through so many times. Making conversation usually calms the next of kin, and that's important if they are going to be of any help. "Uhm, no….we kind of broke up….but I still love him!" Angela takes her eyes of Jordan for a second and looks sadly at the paramedic.

At the hospital Jordan is rushed off, leaving Angela all alone with her thoughts, and a number of forms for her to fill out. All the questions makes her realize how little she actually knows about his life. Angela sinks down on the worn couch hiding her head in her shaking hands. Her eyes feel soar and dry, and there's a quivering in her stomach that almost makes her sick. She has never been more scared in her life. The thought of loosing Jordan has made everything else feel trivial and immature, caught up in her own little world of misery she has not been able to see how he needs her too, and that everything he has done lately, has been an effort to make things right between them. Even knowing how he struggles with words, and his reluctancy to talk about feelings, she has been pushing him, trying to make him run that extra mile for her, without giving him anything in return. She can't seem to remember any of the good reasons she felt she had for not talking to him. What if she never gets the chance to talk to Jordan ever again? What if he…. Angelas mind keeps revolving around that one word she dreads to say out loud. Without noticing she starts praying to a God she never actually thought existed.

Pattie and Danielle enters the room, running over to Angela, and at the same time a young doctor walks in from the opposite direction. "Jordan Catalano?" His Australian accent is prominent. Angela nods, she just can't bring herself to say anything, he looks so serious. Pattie puts one hand on her shoulder, as to tell her that she'll take care of things. "How is he, doctor?" "Are you family?" "No, Angela here, and Jordan are friends, and he was outside our house when he collapsed. I've been trying to get hold of his father, but without any luck. My name is Patty Chase by the way, Angelas mum." He smiles, it makes him look even younger, and Angela can't help to think if he really is old enough to actually be a real doctor. "We share the same name, I'm Doctor Robert Chase!" He says holding out his hand. "Let's go to my office!" Dr Chase walks out of the room, apparently expecting them to follow.

Dr Chase waits for the three of them in the door to a small, but nice office. The picture of a beautiful brunette holds the place of honour on his desk. "My wife, Allison!" He says, noticing them looking at the picture. "She's a doctor too, but she's on maternity leave." He turns another picture to show them two beautiful twin baby girls. "Sorry! I tend to get a bit carried away when it comes to my familiy!" Dr Chase sits down and opens the file in front of him. "Hmmm…… Jordan has pneumonia." Angela can't help but to let out a sigh of relief. "People don't die from that, do they…" Saying the d-word is like letting her guard down, and tears start welling up in her eyes again. "It's normally not a very serious diagnosis in a young and healthy person." "And this is a normal case, right? Øl,1rtffff!" She wants to scream it in his face, but it ends up more like a whisper, and she grabs the armrests of her chair so hard her fingers get num. "What exactly does that mean?" Pattie puts her hand on top of Angelas.

"In Jordans case it's a bit more severe. We think that the cause of his pneumonia is two broken ribs. You see, chest injuries can lead to pneumonia because of…." He trails off in an explanation filled with medical terms, and Angela drifts away into her own thoughts again. Dr Chase looks up from the file to see if they follow him. "Sorry, that got a bit technical." "Is he going to be ok?" Angela whispers, fearing that she doesn't really want to hear the answer. "He's in quite bad shape, the pneumonia, his broken ribs, the fact that he's very dehydrated, he will need a long period of recovery to regain his normal strength. He needs proper care…" Angela tries hard to hold back her tears. "Thank you!" Dr Chase smiles sympathetically at her, before he continues. "There's something else, though. From what you wrote in the forms here, Jordan lives with his father?" He looks through the papers in front of him one more time to be certain that he hasn't missed anything. "Uhm….yeah…."Angela tries desperately to clear her throat. "Ok, you see when we examined Jordan, we found a lot of both old and new bruises, scares and injuries consistent with physical abuse. We fear that his father has been beating him, over a long period of time. The extent of his injuries is so severe that we have alerted the police." Angela looks at him, shocked.

"You said you hadn't been able to get in touch with Mr Catalano?" Dr Chase turns to Pattie. "No…that's right!" She shoots her oldest daughter a worried glance. "Did you have any idea about this, Angela? Did you ever meet Jordans father?" Angela shakes her head, slowly. She's relieved that Jordan is going to be ok, but still the thought of him being beaten and tortured by his father, all the things he must hve gone through all alone, makes her throat feel thick. "Poor-poor Jordan! He said he'd been in a fight…" Angela finally manages to get out. "Shane didn't like believe him, though. Jordan almost never fights, he even hates it when people argue...I guess now I have like no problem understanding why that is…." She looks down at her hands. "I never met his father, but…." "Sorry to interrupt you, Angela, but who is Shane?" Dr Chase asks. "Jordans best friend, they grew up together…" Angela continues to tell them everything Shane had told her last night. Pattie looks more than a little concerned. "Angela, you should have told us! Maybe we could have helped!"

That does it for Angela, she isn't able to hold back anymore. "But, mum! It's not like I knew anything before last night, and Shane wouldn't say too much. He thought that I should allow Jordan to tell me about things himself, if he wanted to. I just had a feeling that the relationship between Jordan and his father wasn't actually great…. I feel so guilty! Do you really thing that I could have done something to prevent this???? How could you have helped???? Daddy hates Jordan….." The others can hardly understand what she's saying through the crying. "Everytime I tried to talk about feelings, Jordan always closed up, it's like he doesn't like people getting to close to the real him or something, and when he really wanted to talk, I pushed him away…." Dr Chase gets up from his chair and walks round his desk. He sits down on the edge of it, it front of Angela, placing his hands on her shoulders in a comforting manner. "I think you have done a lot for him, Angela. You obviously care for him very much!" "I love love him…" She sobs. "Then you should tell him, show him, he need you. From what you say, it seems like he doesn't have that many people to count on in his life. And he must trust you, or else he wouldn't have come to your house today, don't you agree?"

Dr Chase tries to incuourage her, he understands the guilt she feels, he's been there, he thinks he knows how she feels. Jordans story has captured him in a way he hasn't experienced in a long time. Ever since he was forced to quit his high profile job with Dr House, he has kind of missed the feeling of really getting involveld with the patient, in a hospital like this there's just no time for it, usually. Robert Chase decides that this time he'll make an exception, he'll take whatever time needed to help this young man. Abuse is, he regrets to say, a much to familiar subject for him.

"How is he doing in school, now? You said he had at least started to come to turns with hiw reading disability?" Angela looks up at the doctor, a bit confused, not sure what this has to do with anything, but still answers. "He's doing better, I signed him up for this tutoring thing, and he actually like went. He doesn't cut class that often anymore either." Dr Chase nods thoughtfully. "Good!" They are interrupted by the phone ringing, and he excuses himself. "Dr Chase. Right, no, he's 18. Ok, uhm….well, somehow I'll find a solution, if not I'll call you back!" He hangs up and turns to the Chases again. "That was the investigation team. They are on their way over to Jordans house now, to search for his father. Jordan is 18 and regarded as an adult by the authorities. When we have established the cause of things, we must search into what can be done to help him on with his life in the best way possible. He'll be given funds to get through school, but he'll probably neet to get a job to get by. And the fact that he has some extra needs, complicates it a bit."

Dr Chase frowns concerned, and seems almost lost in his own thoughts when he continues. "No matter what. He is going to need a long recovery and he's going to need care. If his condition improves as we hope and think, we can keep him here for a day or two, then he'll have to go home, that will be a problem…" "He can stay with us for a while, at least until he's feeling better!" Pattie sounds determined. Angela glances at her mother, both shocked and surprised, there was no way she had expected that coming from her. "Of course that would be the perfect solution, but are you sure? What about your husband?" Dr Chase obviously remembers Angelas comment earlier about her father hating Jordan. "Graham will be fine with it! Jordan needs us, he's been through enough, poor boy. I can even work from home for a while to make sure he has everything he needs." "Where is he going to sleep?" Angela asks, and at the same time trying to shake off the feeling that her father won't be fine with this at all. "He can have your room until we figure out something else." "Angela can sleep with me, I don't mind!" Danielle speaks up for the first time since they arrived at the hospital, and Angela bends over to hug her little sister. Sure, she can be a pain sometimes, but with all that has happened, she is starting to realize how lucky she is to have a family who cares. "Thank you!" She whispers, close to tears once again. Dr Chase smiles at her, he looks relieved, like he really cares about what happens to Jordan.

"Can I see Jordan…" Angela can't wait any longer. "We have given him something for the pain, so I think he might still be a bit out of it, but sure! I'll get a nurse to take you there." She's up before the doctor can finish. "Angela, it may lokk scary with all the tubes, wires and instruments, but it's only there to help him. He's on mechanical respiratory support, but just as a precausion. Do you understand?" Dr Chase follows Angela out into the hallway, and as the nurse arrives, he returns to his office to continue making the arrangements with Pattie.

"Here it is! He's sleeping, but you can go in and sit with him if you like!" The nurse continues down the hall, leaving Angela. Taking a deep breath she slowly pushes the door open. Even if Dr Chase had warned her, she can't help but be a bit startled by all the equipment surrounding Jordan. The beeping sounds of the monitors seem incredibly loud. It's like entering another world or something. She takes it all in as she walks over to the bed. A bright white and sterile world, cold in all it's presence. The tube down Jordans throat looks painful. He's even paler than before, if that is at all possible, looking almost transparent against the white linen. His hair has been pulled back from his face, just a small part of his fringe falls down over one eye. The bruise on his cheek has turned a slightly yellowish colour. He looks so fragile, like he'll break at the slightest touch, reminding her of one of her grandmothers collective porselen dolls. Angela reaches out to gently touch his cheek, and is somewhat awestruck by the warmness of his skin, he looks so cold, so lifeless.

Angela drags one of the chairs over to the bed and sits down. Overwhelmed by emotions, she finds comfort in the mere fact that Jordans chest is moving slightly up and down. She feels totally drained of all energy. Carefully she takes his left hand between hers, and brings it up to her lips. There's so much Angela wants to say, but she's scared of breaking the silence, of disturbing him. Instead she lowers his hand again and leans down to rest her forehead on their intertwined fingers, wishing he would open his beautiful eyes and look at her.


	13. Chapter 13

_This has been a hard one to write... I'm still not sure if this is correct according to rules and regulations in the states, but I've done my best, and with a lot of help from my dear friend Suze :) Thanks for your lovely reviews, please keep them coming ;)_

_Looooong one this...but had to include it all :)_

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**Chapter 13**

Like in a dream, Jordan hears Angelas voice. He struggles to open his eyes, the bright light makes his head hurt and a light shiver passes through his body. Jordan has no idea where he is, other than in a bed and that Angela must be somewhere close if it's not just his dimmed mind playing tricks on him. There's something down his throat making it feel soar, and making his head kind of immoveable. He tries to speak, but the only sound coming from his lips is a growled moan.

Angela jumps back. "Jordan?" She leans in, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. "You got me so worried!" Tears start rolling down her cheeks, and she continues to kiss his face and stroke his hair. "How are you feeling? No, wait, I know you can't like answer because of that thing!" She realises that she's babbling. He looks tired, the beautiful blue eyes look back up at her, with a mix of confusion and sadness. That's when she says it, the words she has wanted to say to him for so long, the words that she had started to fear that she would never have the chance to say. "I love you…"

It's nothing more than a whisper against his face, but like magic those three little words seem to surround Jordan with a warmth he has never felt before. He tries to smile, and from the way Angela looks back down at him he knows that she understands.

"Angela, I need a word!" Dr Chase says from the door, but as he discovers that Jordan is awake he comes in and over to the bed. "I'm pleased to see you've decided to join us Mr Catalano!" He jokes with a grin while checking the instruments and monitors. "The oxygen saturation in your blood seems much better than when you came in, I think we'll pull the tube out. It's not exactly comfortable I would think, and you will have an oxygen mask within reach just in case you feel like you need it."

"I'll be back in a little while!" Angela squeezes Jordans hand. He really doesn't want her to leave, but he feels certain that she will be back like she said, and gives her hand a light squeeze back before letting go. Jordan isn't left alone for long. A nurse enters the room, and immediately starts preparing to remove the tube from his throat. "Now, this is going to be a bit uncomfortable. On the count to three, take a deep breath, and I'll be as quick and careful as possible, ok?" She counts, and at three she pulls the tube out in one smooth motion. The scraping of the inside of his throat make him cough hard. Tears start pouring down his face as he struggles to catch his breath. "Keep calm!" The nurse soothes. "Take short breaths, not too deep. Concentrate on one breath at a time. You'll be ok!" Following her instructions the pain in his chest starts to fade. "Here!" A glass of water is held to his lips. "Dr Chase will be with you in a little while, you just rest for now."

Jordan wants to ask the nurse if she can bring Angela back to him, but before he can manage to get a single word out, the nurse has left to attend to someone else. Carefully he raises his head from the pillow to look around, trying to remember how he got here. The last thing he remember is going to Tinos party, after that everything is just a blur of images. A shooting pain through his head makes him stop pondering and lie down again. His eyelids start to feel heavy and he drifts off into a light sleep.

"I know you would much rather be with him, but you can go back as soon as we have finished this!" Dr Chase smiles at Angelas effort to catch a last glimpse of Jordan as the door slides shut behind them. They continue back to his office, only to find Danielle there all by herself. "Mum just went to get something to drink." She explains. Shortly after Pattie returns carrying a tray from the cafeteria, a few sandwiches, coffee and sodas. Dr Chase thanks her wholeheartedly and grabs a cup of coffee. "I really needed that!"

"Angela, please sit down!" Pattie pulls her daughter down on her armrest. "How is Jordan, by the way?" Angela suppresses the urge to get back up again. "He's awake and breathing much better on his own. That's like all I know…" She says, sending the doctor a pleading look. "He's doing as good as can be expected!" The smile on Dr Chases face fades as he continues. "First of all, since Jordan is over 18, the child welfare will not take action, at least normally. I will look into whether they would make a case of it if they are able to prove that there has been a history of abuse since he was a minor. The investigation team just went out there as a favour to me, both Alison and I are involved in the organisation. They also work closely with the local police department, and will pass whatever they find over to them, to have their opinion. Men like Jordans father shouldn't be allowed to walk away unpunished!" Pattie and Angela both agree, but look up, startled and confused at his sudden anger.

"Sorry…" Dr Chase says, trying to smile, but only managing a grimace. "My friends were able to track down Jordans father. They spoke to a couple of the neighbours , and the stories they told were not pretty. It seems poor Jordan has been forced to provide for his father for quite some time, working at a garage. Mr Catalano is rumoured to be an alcoholic, and that he has had a drinking problem most of his life, making it near impossible for him to hold down a job for very long. The neighbours knew of several occasions where Jordan had been beaten badly, even out in the street once, but in that kind of area you keep to yourself. You just stay out of things to stay out of trouble." The shocked expressions in front of him indicates that this is much worse than they had expected.

"They found Mr Catalano in a bar just down the street. The reason you couldn't get through to him on the phone is that it has been disconnected, they haven't been able to pay the bill. Just as the investigation team arrived he was thrown out because he was trying to make his way out of paying for his drinks. First he tried denying that he even had a son, but he was much to drunk to keep it up for long. He rambled on about what a disgrace his only son had been, and how he had thrown him out after trying to discipline him one last time. He bragged about his strength, and, well…. I don't think the details is wanted nor, necessary!" "What will happen now?" Pattie looks concerned. "I don't know!" Dr Chase answers honestly. "I wish I could say that Mr Catalano would be convicted for what he has done to his son, but I don't know. My friends will try convince some of the neighbours they spoke to to testify if there should be a trial, but knowing how people in that kind of area works, I wouldn't bet on it. We need to hear Jordans side of the story too, and if there is going to be a trial, we would need him to testify. One thing I promise you, is that I will do my best to make sure that Jordans father never gets near him again!"

Angela can't sit still, this is so much worse than she imagined. She starts pacing back and forth in the small office. "What can we do? We must do something now!" Her voice comes off a bit louder and a bit more irritated than she planned, but she can't help it. Dr Chase knows he has to give her something to do, or she'll fall to pieces right before his eyes, and Jordan needs her to be strong for him. "Anglea, I need you to get hold of Shane for me. The investigation team wants to talk to him to fill in the blanks, so to say. You can use my phone." "But, Jordan…" "You can see him in a little while. I'll go check on him now to see how he's doing. I have to see if it's safe to let the guys talk to him today, it might be just as well to get it over with." Angela sighs, but knows she has to do what he says.

"If we are not needed at the moment, I think we should go home and start making things ready for Jordan to move in tomorrow." Pattie hugs Angela and leaves with Danielle right behind her.

Rickie answers the phone at Mr Katimskis. "Angela, hi!" He sounds so happy to hear from her. "Do I have Shanes phone number? No….but I guess Tino would have it. Call me back in 5 minutes, ok?" Angela finds it a bit strange that Rickie never asks why, he just does what's asked of him, always smiling and eager to help. He's truly an angel.

Jordan wakes up at the sound of someone entering the room. For a moment he hopes it might be Angela, but he quickly recognizes the doctor who had been to see him earlier. "Hi Jordan! You must think me incredibly rude, I didn't properly introduce myself before. My name is Doctor Robert Chase, but you can call me Robert!" Just as he says it out loud he wonders why the hell he did it. Allowing himself to get even more involved in this case. To cover up his own reaction he starts to examine Jordan, before he gets a chance to answer. Dr Chase thoroughly looks through the papers at the foot of Jordans bed, then picks up his stethoscope. He warms it slightly between his hands before placing it gently on Jordans chest. "Take a deep breath, please!" Jordan obeys, clenching his fists at the pain in his chest returns. The doctor notices. "I'm sorry to cause you pain, but I need to listen to your lungs. Do you think you can manage to sit up?"

Jordan looks up at Dr Chase with intense blue eyes, and nods. He manages to get himself up, sweat appearing on his forehead and he feels dizzy. Finally Dr Chase raises the head end of the bed slightly and helps him lean back against the pillows. Jordan concentrates on breathing calmly. "What is wrong with me?" His voice still sounds a bit strange, and he tries to clear his throat which still hurts from the removal of the tube. "Why does my chest hurt so much?" For a second, fear can be seen in Jordans eyes. He brings one hand up to his throat.

"You have pneumonia, that is why you have trouble breathing and your chest hurts, you also have two broken ribs which just adds to the pain. You are going to be fine, but it will take time, you must be patient and allow yourself to take one step at a time, you had a really close call!" Robert Chase looks at Jordan with serious eyes, making sure he's still with him. "There's one thing I need to ask you Jordan; how long has your father been beating you?" The fact that he doesn't answer is more then enough. A troubled expression covers the young mans face and he turns away. "Jordan? You have several injuries, old and new, that are consistent with abuse, not only the ribs…" "It's not his fault….it's mine…" Robert sits down on the chair next to the bed and sighs. This is all too familiar.

Jordan feels trapped. He just wants to be left alone. His father may not be much, but he's all he has got, and he's not willing to say anything that would get him into trouble. Turning on his father would just leave him all alone, the thought of it scares him. "We can help you, Jordan! I know how you feel! Nobody should have to go through this!" The doctor sounds close to desperate, making Jordan turn to face him again. "How would you know how I feel?" Every word hurts his sore throat. "How would you know!" He cries. "Shhhhh, calm yourself! You need to rest, I'm sorry for bringing this up now, or at all, but there really isn't a good time for things like this." Jordan raises his eyebrows slightly. He can't take it, yet something about Dr Chase has aroused his curiosity.

"My father was a successful doctor, everybody sang his praise: Such a wonderful man, doctor and father! Only to me he was far from that. I couldn't do anything right. The abuse was only words at first. Telling me how much of a failure I was, how sad he was that I was his son, and how I never could dream of measuring up to my older brother. James was his star, and I suppose mine too…" Jordan can't do anything but listen. Dr Chase seems to have forgotten that he exists, but then he turns and puts a hand on Jordans arm. "I know I don't know you, but I see far too much of myself in you, and if my story can help you…" The words make Jordan feel more than a little uncomfortable, he has never been good with this "barering of the soul" type of thing. He's just not used to it, his father has never spoken many words, and in the end he let his fists speak for him. "James died…" A slight tremble can be felt in the hand covering Jordans. "He killed himself, with our fathers gun, high on something I guess. That's when the beating started. It was all my fault, everything, and I saw my fathers grief of loosing his only good son, and felt obliged to "help" him through. My mother never dared raise her voice to him, and I can only imagine why. I was 9 then…"

"I'm sorry for you…." Jordan whispers, listening in fear to the horrible story, thinking his own life easy and uncomplicated in comparison. "I got away from our "happy family" as soon as I could, by enrolling in schools as far away from home as would accept me. I guess in the beginning, I buried myself in homework and worked all the hours God sent in order to prove to my father that I could be just as good as him, if not better. It was a revelation to me that I actually developed this love and passion for the trade that I have now, despite the struggles it took to get here." Robert laughs, but there's no joy to the sound." Robert laughs, but there's no joy to the sound. Jordan hardly dares to breathe. "I got my medical license and for the first time in a long time, I thought that my father would be proud of me, for once… How wrong I was, he laughed in my face and mocked me, mocked me, saying any fool could read, and that I would most likely kill my patients more often than I cured

. So, I ran away again. That's how I ended up here, all alone, trusting no one, and how could I? People had deserted me, deceived me and disappointed me all my life…. Do you feel that way, Jordan?"

Dr Chase looks directly at him. A bit uncomfortable, Jordan looks down, the words "ANY fool could read" cuts him, but he feels he must answer. "Yeah…I do, kind of…" He whispers. "But, you are lucky you know, you've got Angela and her family, they care about you!" Jordan frowns. "I don't have Angela, I ruined that a long time ago. I have no right…" "So you don't love her?" Robert shakes his head. "I don't believe that for a second!" "I guess I do, like, love her, or something, but…" Jordan takes a deep breath, obviously starting to get totally exhausted. His fringe is curling slightly from the dampness of his pale face. "She's so young and so innocent. I'll only end up hurting her over and over again, she's too good for me…maybe I'll end up like my father!" "No, Jordan!" Robert raises his voice, but manages to stay in his seat. "You must never think like that! Believe me, I know how you feel, but you must never let him get to you like that. By allowing him to control your mind like that, you let him win, but you are so much better than him! I know it! I can see it in your eyes. I will do everything in my power to help you, but you have got to let me, and trust me…please!" He lowers his voice again, when he notices the frown on Jordans forehead getting deeper and deeper. "I'm sorry, I'm exhausting you. I hope I don't scare you, it's just… You remind me so much of my self, it nearly breaks my heart. It's like living through it all over again." He now has tears in his eyes. "And as for your Angela, she is much more grown up than you give her credit for, and she loves you Jordan, it is obvious that she really cares and wants to be there for you. Let her in, Jordan, don't shut her out! Don't do the same mistakes with her that I did with Alison! I almost lost her because I just couldn't believe the fact that someone really wanted me for a change!"

Jordan is fighting to stay awake, it's all too much for him right now. In a strange way he feels close to the young doctor. "Thank you…..Robert!" He manages to squeeze out between lips that are pinched hard together. Pain surrounds him, everywhere, and he wishes for nothing else but to be able to sleep, sleep for as long as it takes for things to be alright again when he wakes. "Angela…." He mumbles just before he drifts off.

Dr Chase watches how the strained features of his face relax, making him look far younger than his 18 years. "Get some rest!" He whispers, getting up from the chair. "I'll have Angela come sit with you." On his way out of the room he dims the lights. "Dr Chase, I need your opinion on this case!" He is pulled from his thoughts by one of the interns, and sighs. Angela will have to wait until he is finished with this.

"Where is he? Where's my son?" The nurse looks up at the scruffy looking man yelling at her. "Sorry, sir?" "My SON! Jordan Catalano, he was admitted here today! Where is he!" She edges back a bit, there's something about the mans attitude and tone of voice that scares her, and she's almost afraid to reply to him, but worry can make people act weird and he must of course be worried half to death for his son. "Do you have some identification, sir?" Gino Catalano throws his drivers license on her desk with an irritated sigh. The nurse looks at it and then enters Jordans name into her computer. "Your son is in room 103, sir. It's straight ahead and then to the left." Mr Catalano is off, without even a "thank you".

Jordan feels his presence even before he opens his eyes, the all too familiar smell of tobacco and whiskey. It's like a nightmare….the kind you wake up from to realise it wasn't a dream. Gino sends his son an evil grin. "So, there you are, you little bastard! What have you told these people, huh?" He slams the door. "I bet you've told them all sorts of lies haven't you? Playing on their sympathy and turning those big baby blues on them… I can just see it, you pathetic little creep!" Jordan is terrified, the hatred in his fathers voice, has he always sounded like that. He can smell the alcohol on his breath, he's never been afraid of him before, not like this. "I haven't told them anything." Jordan realizes that his voice is trembling slightly, and hopes to God that his father doesn't notice. "Oh, my! Are we scared now! Why do you think I should believe you? Give me one good reason! You've been nothing but nothing but a waste of time and money since the day you were born, and you've never given me anything back that I could use, just like that bitch-mother of yours! I ought to finish you like I did her!" Gino moves closer to the bed, and wraps his rough nicotine stained hands around Jordans neck.

The room starts spinning. Jordan looks up into his fathers eyes, trying to plead with him, but finds nothing but two black wholes looking back. "Dad….let…go…can't…breath…" The already darkened room is getting darker by the second, he's surrounded by the sound of his fathers menacing laughter. Then suddenly he lets go, and Jordan drops back down on the bed, gasping for air.

"Jordan!" Angela screams out. She hadn't been able to find Shane, so she had left a message for him both at his house and with Tino. She'd wandered around the halls for a while, waiting for Dr Chase to return, but she'd realized that she just had to see Jordan for herself, she didn't need anyones permission to check on the guy she loves! However, she was not prepared for the sight that greeted her when she opened the door! It was horrific! A stinking brute of a man had Jordan by his neck, shaking him like a ragdoll. Then, suddenly he lets go of Jordan and turns towards her. Jordan struggles to sit up, and it's then that she realizes this must be Mr Catalano, the family resemblance isn't great, but it's there in an odd way.

"My oh my, what have we here!" Gino takes a few steps away from the bed, closing in on Angela. "Look, Jordan, it's your little red-haired whore to the rescue! How sweet!" He spits the words out. "Don't you dare call her that!" Jordan croaks, holding his throat with both hands. Gino doesn't even bother turning back to him when he answers. "Oh, being the hero now? Really doesn't fit you son! Besides I'll call her whatever the hell I like, all women are whores!" Over his fathers shoulder, Jordan can see Angela frozen to the spot, and he can't help but admire her courage. She doesn't look scared at all, and right now she's looking his father right back into the eyes. "Oh no! Don't do that!" Jordan whispers, "It'll make him worse…" Jordan had learnt from an early age that looking his dad in the eyes meant that the beating would be worse, so he always stared at the floor whenever his dad started on him…If only he had told Angela. He should have told her LOTS of things!

"Why are you like being so mean to him? He's your son!" Her voice is clear and her eyes just doesn't flinch. "So you're going to tell me what to do now?" Gino laughs, taking another step towards her. "You know what sweetcakes, maybe I should just have a bit of fun with you myself! He throws a look over his shoulder and winks at jordan…"Pretty little slut you've got yourself here son, almost proud of you for catching this one, guess you must be able to do something right!"

Jordan more senses than sees that Angela is getting scared now. He just can't allow anything to happen to her! "Don't touch her!" His voice sounds even stranger than before, but at least the sound makes his father turn around for a second. "Go Angela, please! I'll be ok!" She just shakes her head. "No, Jordan! I'm not leaving you like this - he'll kill you!" Jordan struggles again to sit up, but Gino ignores him and turns back to Angela. "Oh how right you are, babe'! I'll finish him alright, but first the two of us are going to have some fun…." Jordan gathers what strength he really doesn't have and stumbles out of bed, not noticing that the needle in his hand is ripped out, causing blood to drip onto the floor. On legs that threaten to collapse he approaches his father, watching him raise a hand, like he's going to hit Angela across the face. Gino must have heard him coming, he spins around hitting him hard in the face. Jordan is thrown off balance, and feels his left knee smash hard against the floor. He tries to get up again but the pain in his leg now just mingles in with the everything else making his vision blurred and the room spin round. Forcing himself not to pass out, he starts screaming for help. He's got nothing to loose now, except Angela. He knows this may be the one and only chance he'll ever get to save her, and finally repay her for all the times she's saved him.

Angela watches Jordan fall to the floor, the sound of his knee against it almost makes her sick. When Gino turns back to her, he's laughing. "What a wuss!" At that point, her fear turns into pure fury, she slaps Mr Catalano across the face as hard as she can. The look in Ginos eyes immediately tells her taht hitting him wasn't exactly the smartest move she'd made. It's like his eyes burn holes in her head. He's just about to grab her when the door swings open, and Dr Chase enters. For a moment Gino seems caught off guard, then he pushes Angela aside, and runs past Dr Chase shoving him hard against the wall as he passes. "Check on Jordan! I'll be right back!" Dr Chase shouts before chasing after Mr Catalano. Angela runs over to Jordan, dropping down on the floor next to him. "Jordan are you ok?" She helps him sit up and wraps her arms around him, pulling him into a loving embrace. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Jordan mumbles, his voice now barely a whisper. "Don't be! He'll never hurt you again, I won't let him!" Angela hugs him even tighter. Jordan turns his face up towards her. His beautiful blue eyes are filled with pain and sorrow, and tears are pouring down his cheeks, he looks totally devastated. She realises she has never seen him cry before, it scares her, he seems so fragile and defenceless.


	14. Chapter 14

_Another chapter up! Thanks for the sweet reviews, getting a bit spoiled tho', hope for a few more after this chapter :) Really want to hear your thoughts on this story... Jackie, you'll be pleased, sweetie...you'll get what you asked for :)_

_Couldn't do this without my "partner in crime", Suze :)_

_Read & review guys ;) You know how it works!_

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**Chapter 14**

Graham drives around for hours until he's calmed down. As usual he ends up at Hallies door. He really shouldn't be here, but some things can't be controlled. She's been crying again, her eyes are red and puffy. "Oh Graham, I can't take this anymore!" Hallie throws herself at him, it's like he can't breathe. "Take it easy, baby! It'll be alright. Just one more day now before we know for sure!" He gently removes her arms from around his neck and pushes her back a few steps. Hallies fury comes out of nowhere, and she starts pounding on his chest with her fists. "Have you told Pattie yet? Have you? How can you say it's going to be alright? It's not your life that's on the line here…." Graham escapes her one more time and walks past her into the kitchen. "You didn't tell her, did you? I just knew it!" She screaming now, and he's relieved that they managed to at least close the front door before she started. "You just want to keep your options open, is that it? You don't want either of us if there's a risk involved!?" Hysterically she rips her shirt open, revealing the small bump on her stomach.

"It's not like that, and you know it! It's not like I'm completely in the clear myself you know! And things are a bit complicated at home right now…." Graham rubs his neck, suddenly he feels dead tired. What a mess his life has become. It's like he can't even remember when things started going wrong.

"Oh my God, Jordan, you're bleeding!" Angela carefully takes his hand in hers. "Oh…yeah….my dad didn't hurt you, did he? I'll kill him if he did!" The words bring a slight smile to her lips. Even in this state his first thought is of concern for her. "No sweetie, don't you worry, he never touched me, thanks to you!" Angela places a soft kiss on his forehead, before getting up to find something to stop the bleeding with. She returns with a paper towel, sits down in front of him and wraps his hand in it. Jordan is breathing heavily, pressing the other hand to his chest. Angela is getting a bit worried. "We should really try to get you back into bed. Do you think you can stand up?" "I don't know." He answers honestly, but accepts her hand to at least make an effort to get up.

They manage to get a few steps towards the bed before Jordans legs give in under him. He winces in pain, and shakes his head. "Just leave me here for a while, I just need a minute." Angela sits down beside him, and pulls him to her, so that his upper body rests against her. How he was able to get out of the bed at all earlier is a mystery. In a strained, breathless voice he whispers: "Thank you! If you hadn't come I think…." "Sshhh now! Try to relax, I'm sure Dr Chase will be back soon!" She gently strokes his hair with one hand, and puts her free arm around him, protectively.

Angela watches his eyes close, and realises that there's nothing left of the though guy she fell in love with. Even more this new side of Jordan makes her love him even more, it's the way he presses himself against her for comfort, allowing her to see how weak and scared he is. The bonds that are formed between people in situations like this are not easily broken.

A sudden twitch in Jordans body startles Angela. He stares up at her, eyes wide open and filled with fear. "What if he comes back? What if he…" The excitement makes him start coughing. It's painful even just listening to it. She tries to calm him, but he's terrified. "He said he'd killed my mother? He said he'd finish me too, and you…. Do you…" "Jordan, please, stop! He won't get to you ever again, baby! I promise! But now you need to relax, please!" Angela looks towards the door, trying to hide the fact that his words are scaring her too. Tears are welling up in her eyes, to fast for her to hold them back. How she wishes that she could take away some of the pain, that there was a way to make him feel better, she feels so helpless. All she can do is hold him as tight as possible, but even that is difficult because of his damaged ribs. Jordan has finally stopped coughing, he has stopped talking too, and she looks down at him fearing that he has passed out, only to look straight in to his amazingly intense, soul piercing eyes.

Jordan is lost in her eyes for a brief moment he forgets everything but the fact that Angela is here, holding him in her arms. "I…." He starts, holding his breath, afraid of having anything spoil this moment. "Angela, I…" How hard can it be? Finding the words he wants to say to her. "Why are you crying?" Jordan reaches up to wipe away the tears on her cheek. She doesn't answer, just puts her hand on top of his, pressing her lips against the palm of his hand. He carefully lets his other hand slide around her neck, pulling her closer, and closer, until their lips are just a whisper apart. Angelas tears drip down on his face, but he doesn't mind. Her lips are slightly separated, like an invitation. Jordan lifts his head just enough to close the remaining distance between them, trying to make his lips express what he's feeling, knowing he'll never be able to find the right words.

Angela has to remind herself to breathe. There's something desperate in they way Jordan lets his lips cover hers, yet he's so gentle. The kiss sends shivers down her spine, she just doesn't want it to end, on the contrary, she wants more. He pulls back a little and moans, bringing her right back to reality, and making her feel kind of ashamed for the thoughts in her head. She really shouldn't think like this, not now, not until he's feeling better. Jordans head sinks back into her lap with his eyes closed, a single tear slowly finding its way down his cheek.

Dr Chase has been watching them from the door for a few minutes. They seem totally wrapped up in themselves. He rubs the back of his head, feeling the large bump he got from crashing into the door earlier. Mr Catalano got away from them just outside of the hospital. Robert really didn't want to have to tell Angela and Jordan that, he would much rather have been able to tell them that it all had been taken care of, and that Mr Catalano would never bother either of them again. He clears his throat. "Angela?"

She turns her head quickly, fear flashing over her face for a second, until she realizes that it's Dr Chase, thank God. "How is he?" Angela shrugs slightly, making as little movement to her upper body as possible, not to disturb Jordan. "I'm not dead, you know. I can answer for myself…" Jordan makes an effort to sit up, giving them both a faint smile. "I feel like shit, by the way." Angela supports him, not removing her arms from around his body. Finger marks are fast running into bruises on Jordans neck, an evidence of Mr Catalanos fatherly love. She tries not to look at the sickly purple and blue color spreading over his skin. Robert follows her eyes and frowns slightly. He moves over and kneels down on the floor. "Come on, son! We'll have to get you back into bed, then we'll see what we can do to make you feel better."

In a joint effort Angela and Robert manage to get Jordan off the floor and back to bed, without causing him too much pain, or embarrassment for that matter, since the hospital gown he's wearing isn't exactly covering all that much when he's standing up. His knee is swollen and he isn't able to put any weight on it, but after a quick examination, Dr Chase establishes that there are no broken bones. After cleaning up Jordans hand, replacing the drip and making sure that the damage to his neck is just superficial, Robert gives him a couple of painkillers and a glass of water.

Angela has placed herself on the side of the bed, and refuses to leave even when Dr Chase wants to examine her as well. "Mr Catalano never touched me, I'm fine!" She protests, not willing to let go of Jordans hand. "Did you get him?" Angela asks the question they all have been dreading for different reasons. She feels Jordan tighten the grip on her hand. "Uhm…. I'm sorry, but Mr Catalano managed to get away. The security guard saw him getting into his car and leave. But we have called the police." Jordan sighs, as Robert continues. "Jordan, you really need to press charges against your father to make sure he doesn't get the chance to hurt you again. I know that there's no way of him paying back for what he's done to you before, but at least this can be a real charge, and it would put him away for some time." Angela looks up. "I hope they throw away the key! You know, Dr Chase, uhm…Robert, he like confessed that he had killed Jordans mother…."

Robert raises his eyebrows. "He what?!" Angela quickly looks at Jordan to see if it's ok for her to continue, but he has closed his eyes and seem to have fallen asleep, she turns back to the doctor. "Mr Catalano said that he would finish Jordan, like he had done his mother, and when I entered the room he had his hands around Jordans neck, you've seen the marks!" She points to the marks on Jordans neck, a bit unnecessary since Robert already has been examining them. "Surely that must be enough to put him away?" Angelas eyes and voice are pleading Robert to give her the answer she wants. "I wish it was as simple as that, Angela. I could press charges on my own behalf, and I guess I could talk to a friend who works at the district attorneys office, I would think they could press charges even if Jordan doesn't do it himself, but…" He glances over at Jordan to see if there's any reaction from him. "It really would be better if he came forward himself, and for the case to stick in court, I guess they'd really need Jordan to testify, not just about this incident, but his entire history with his father."

"I see…" Angela takes a deep breath. "Jordan, you understand that this is the only way to solve this, right? Sweetie?" If it hadn't been for the clenching of his jaw she would have thought that he really had fallen asleep, and then his eyes slowly open. "I'm not feeling very well, I can't…." Jordan tries to roll over on his side, to have them face his back, but forgets about his ribs and winces in pain, so he gives up and remains on his back. "I can't talk about this right now! Can you just leave me alone!" He speaks through gritted teeth, and refuses to look at them. Angela looks up at Robert, all confused and hurt. "But…." "Come on!" Dr Chase offers her his hand, and leads her out into the hallway. "But… I want to be with him! He's hurting, I thought…." She starts crying and Robert hugs her, helping her remain on her feet, she's exhausted and drained. "I thought he wanted me there. Did I say something wrong?" "Nooooo!" He strokes her head and tries to calm her. "Jordan is just confused and hurting, he knows what he should do, but still it's hard for him. His father is the only family he's got. He needs you, Angela, needs you to show him that he's not alone."

Pattie comes running down the hallway towards them. "Angela! Oh my God, you re ok?!" Seeing her daughter crying, she stops, and asks in an anxious yet sort of controlled voice. "Jordan is ok too? Right?" Both Angela and Dr Chase nod. "He's shaken, but ok." "Mum, like how did you know what happened?" "I had the nurse call her." Robert explains. "You see, we have yet another problem now." He rubs the bump on his head again. "I had put instructions in Jordans notes that if his father should show, they would call me before letting him in, unfortunately the nurse didn't see it before it was too late. This is a small hospital, and I fear that Mr Catalano will be back. I don't think we have the capacity to guard his room, and unless criminal charges are pressed, the police won't be able to help much." He pauses to take a pain killer, hoping that Pattie will get the message without him having to ask her for it. The Chase family really done more than most people would do already.

Pattie seems to be thinking about what he just said for a moment, then she smiles. "But, Mr Catalano doesn't know where we live, now, does he?" "Don't think so." Angela answers. "Then if Dr Chase thinks Jordan is well enough, he can come back home with us right away. Everything's ready for him." Robert lets out a relieved sigh. "To be honest I would have liked to keep him here for a few nights, but if you think it's ok I could come around and check on him at your house, twice a day, and you could call me, anytime if there's something that worries you, anything at all…." Pattie raises her hands, "It's ok! Are all doctors like you?" She smiles again, but then suddenly frowns. "Has Jordan decided to press charges against his father?" Angela wipes her eyes. She really needs to see Jordan again, to hold him, to tell him she's here for him, no matter what. "Could I…." "Get back in there!" Robert gives her an encouraging smile. "I'll explain everything to your mother in the meantime."

Jordan looks up into the sterile, white ceiling. His hand feels cold now that Angela isn't there to hold it anymore. Once more he has been a total jerk towards her, he never wanted her to leave, yet he pushed her away, again. Jordan feels something warm and wet on his face, and realizes that it's tears, lately he can't seem to stop crying, and to be honest he doesn't have the strength do anything about it. He knows the only right thing to do is to press charges against his father, and he know Robert and Angela only want what's best for him, but it's his father! It's the only family he has left… He closes his eyes, a blinding headache blocks out all other thoughts save one, Angela, all he wants now is her, holding him close again…

"Jordan?" He turns his head slowly and squints towards her, careful not to let too much light in. "Can I come in?" She sounds like she's been crying. God, why does he keep hurting her over and over again, like this is easy for her, he's such a selfish bastard, but with her, at least he's not alone. He doesn't dare trust his voice, just reaches out for her, hoping she'll understand. Angela runs over to his bedside. "I'm so sorry, baby! I never meant to pressure you into something. I know how hard this must be for you…." The words just tumble out of her mouth, she wants to explain it all to him so badly. "I'm the one, who should be sorry!" Jordan whispers sadly. He cups her face with one hand, slowly closing the gap between them, until their lips meet. He kisses her gently, pausing only to whisper. "I do love you, Angela….never forget that…never…"

Graham has left Hallies house. He finally got her calmed down a bit, at least enough to be kind of certain that she will not try to do something stupid. He loves her, and yet he hates her for making his life this complicated. Just a year ago he was living this normal, everyday life with Pattie and the girls. Now, he feels like a trapped animal. Pattie has never been able to understand why he dislikes Jordan so much. The kid is no good, Graham just knows it, Hallie agrees. He remembers the first time he met Jordan, Hallie and her then fiance had been over at the time. She had described him as way to gorgeous to be safe, he had to be trouble. As it turned out, Hallies ex was trouble too, leaving her with a death sentence hanging over her head. Not only affecting her life, but his too, and the life of their unborn child.

Hallie's right. He is a coward for not coming clean with Pattie. Lately he has been trying to push her away, maybe another sign of his cowardness, just shutting her out, not talking to her except for the arguing. And their sex life, well, what can he say, non-existent describes it best. Luckily enough, Graham thinks with a sigh, at least then he won't have to worry about her. This Jordan has just made it worse, even without knowing him, he became a constant reminder of the recklessness of Hallies ex, and he got terrified that Angela would be harmed in some way. Guys like Jordan, he knew the sort, hell, he'd been a guy like Jordan himself. Partying, girls, sex, drugs, and eventually diseases…. Graham had been lucky, as a reckless youth he had stuck to partying, girls and sex, that's why it felt so incredibly unfair that he should find true happiness this late in life, and then find out it could be snatched away at any time.

How many times he has tried to end it with Hallie, he doesn't know, and then she got pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if she did it just because she knew that he was trying to leave. The thought of having a son. It's what he's always wanted, so he can't leave her, not now, but he doesn't seem to be able to walk away from Pattie either. All the history between them, and of course the girls. Hallie needs him, allows him to be the man around the house. Pattie doesn't need him, he knows she'll do just fine on her own. Graham tries to justify his decisions with these facts and starts driving home.

"So I'm going home with you?" Jordan looks at Angela all confused. "But what about your father…." He doesn't have to finish the sentence. "Don't worry! Mum said it would be ok, she knows how to deal with dad! And, besides, someone's got to take care of you…." She looks him straight into the eyes, not yielding for a second, and her lips start to form a little smile. Jordan blushes, Angela almost bursts out with laughter, she's actually made Jordan Catalano embarrassed! Or maybe it's just the fever that's making his cheeks all red, or the fact that her hand has creeped under the sheet and found its way under his gown. "Sooooo…." He whispers. "You are going to take care of me, are you?" There's a look in his eyes that she's seen before, and she feels her cheeks start to burn. He's ill, really ill, and will need to be in bed for weeks maybe to recover, yet she's having these thoughts about him. God, he's actually going to be in her bed! Like, for real! It's like she realizes that for the first time.

"Uhm….well mum's like going to take care of you too, you know! She'll even work from home for like a while to be there for you, I would have to go to school I guess, and…." She's rambling, she knows it, not exactly what he needs right now, but she can't help it. "…I'm sure Shane will come visit, and maybe Tino too. Dr Chase, uhm, Robert, will be like checking on you twice a day, so you'll see lots of him too, he's really nice, don't you think? You know he'll be driving us back home today, mum's gone already just to make sure everything is good for your arrival…." Jordan sighs, and hopes she doesn't hear it. Words keep pounding at him like a machine gun, he's lost track of what she's saying after the first few words, to be honest. All he can focuse on is the warm feeling that's running through his body as Angela gently strokes his neck. He wonders if she even knows what she's doing, not that he minds, not at all. Jordan tries to catch her eyes with his, and when he succeeds he puts a finger to her lips. "You still talk too much." He says softly. Angela suddenly realizes that her hand has taken a life of its own, and somehow started stroking his shoulder, just underneath the top of his gown. She wants to move it out of there, but she can't, just like she can't seem to stop him when he moves in to kiss her. "I can't think of anyone else I would rather have take care of me…" He grins sleepily at her, the pain killers finally kick in making him able to relax, and as he closes his eyes, she smiles to herself. Maybe this time things will work out…


	15. Chapter 15

_Thanks for the reviews guys, and for the pm's. Nice to hear that you like our dr Robert (for those of you who still haven't got it, lol, yes it's Dr Robert Chase from House MD), he's going to be a part of the story for a while. Shane brought in again in this chapter. I think I must be getting spoiled or something, cause I had really hoped for a few more reviews to be honest...if nothing else, just a quick note to say if you like it or not :) _

_Well, here's 15, hope you enojoy it :) Another loooong chapter..._

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**Chapter 15**

Driving home from the hospital, Pattie just can't stop thinking about poor Jordan. Dr Chase, or Robert as he insisted they'd call him, had told her everything he knew about the visit of the "loving" father. Even if she had been terrified by the thought that Angela had been put in danger by the horrible man as well, she couldn't help but be mostly proud of her daughter. Angela had shown great courage, and stuck by Jordan even if it meant putting herself at risk. She's really growing up.

Approaching the house, her thoughts switch to Graham. She's not exactly looking forward to telling him about their houseguest, fearing his reactions won't exactly be pleasant. Pattie has tried to reach him on his mobile several times during the day, but has had no luck, she has no idea as to where he could have gone when he left this morning. A sudden sadness lowers itself upon her, she had really thought that her and Graham would be together for life, but as things are right now, it seems they are growing more and more apart. Maybe Graham would like to think that Jordan is the base of their problem, but he isn't, Pattie had noticed a change in her husband, long before Jordan became a real issue.

Graham sits at the kitchen table waiting for her. He hasn't bothered to take of neither his shoes nor his jacket. Danielle watches him from the door. "Dad, are you ok?" Graham looks up, attempting a smile. "Sure, honey! Just waiting for you mum to get home. Where is she?" Even if she's young, Daniella has noticed the strain Jordan as a subject has caused on her parents relationship, and for a moment she thinks about making up a tiny white lie. She doesn't have to though, as Pattie enters the house before she can start speaking.

"Graham! Where have you been? I've been ringing you all day!" Pattie tries to hide the fact that she is still quite upset about the way he was unwilling to help poor Jordan this morning. Accusing him won't get her anywhere, and she will have to try and keep him as calm as possible. Jordan will be arriving in about an hour, with Dr Chase and Angela, and by then, she must have made her husband realize that there is no other solution. "I could say the same for you! Whatever were you thinking, leaving Danielle all by herself!" That was not what he intended to say. How is it that every time they try to start a conversation it ends up in an argument. "I'm old enough to be alone for a few hours…" "Stay out of this!" Graham snaps at Danielle. "What did I do?" She looks at her father, hurt and confused before turning and running up the stairs to her room.

"Was that really necessary?" Pattie sounds dejected. Graham sighs heavily. "I'll go apologize to her. It's just, things have been kind of bad lately…." "You're telling me!" Is Patties ironic response. "Graham, we need to talk!" "I know…." He looks up at her, unaware that his fingers are restlessly tapping against the table. He's been running this conversation in his mind, over and over again, so this is it, the end of their marriage. In an effort to buy some time Graham gets up to pour himself a cup of coffee. "You first!" Pattie takes a deep breath.

"Jordan is pretty beaten up, but should be ok with some TLC, thanks for asking!" She sees that Graham is about to open his mouth, and by the disgusted look on his face, he doesn't feel the slightest bit guilty for not helping. Before he can say something Pattie continues to tell him about Jordans father and the whole tragic story. However nothing seems to be making much of an impression on him. "So…" She locks her eyes in his, not letting him get away. "Jordan will be staying with us for a while. He will need someone to care for him, and he needs to get away from his father. Robert will be checking on him here twice a day until he's better. I'm sorry I didn't run this by you first, but I really tried to get hold of you, and the poor kid has got no one…" Graham had every intentions of not arguing with Pattie, and telling her everything, maybe even try to make some sort of agreement as to how they were going to deal with the situation, but his mind can only lock onto what she has just said about Jordan. "So now we know where "poor" Jordan gets it from don't we! His father is no good and neither is he! He's hurt Angela so many times, but you STILL want to let him live in our house, and get close to her again, do you?" He has started pacing around the room. "Well, Pattie, you will have to make a choice! I'm not going to stay here and watch you play happy families with that boy, putting Angela in danger again. If Jordan Catalano is staying here, I'm moving out!"

Pattie looks at him in shock. "You can't be serious?" The eyes that meet hers are those of a stranger. It's like she's never really known him at all. She looks away, unable to face this hard, cold man that used to be her husband. "Guess you've made your choice, then!" He hastily leaves the kitchen and goes upstairs. She can hear him talking to Danielle, then just a few minutes later he's back with a bag over his shoulder. "If any of the girls need me, I can be reached on my mobile." He grunts before slamming the door shut behind him. Pattie feels like all energy has left her, all she can manage is a whisper. "If you really feel your daughter is in such danger just being around this boy, shouldn't you have stayed instead of running away from us…" She looks up, Danielle is in tears at the top of the stairs, and the house is suddenly very big, and very empty.

The ringing of the phone brings Pattie back to her senses. She raises her head, and forces a smile in Danielles direction. "It's going to be ok, sweetie! Don't worry!" She knows she has to stay focused and in control now, for the girls and Jordan. Thinking of Graham actually makes her more angry than anything else. Walking over to the phone Pattie makes a decision; She is going to be just fine! After all she's been the one running this household, and bringing in the money for quite some time. She believes that eventually Graham will come around and see just how unreasonable he has been, but until then she will do just fine on her own.

Pattie picks up the phone. "Yes?" "Uhm, this is Shane. Is Angela in? I got a message saying she's been trying to reach me. Something about Jordan being in the hospital…." He sounds really concerned about his friend. "Oh, hi Shane! Angela will be home in an hour or so. They are bringing Jordan back to our place, he'll stay here until he's feeling better." "Oh….uhm, right. OK…" Pattie senses he wants to say more, but that he's feeling kind of awkward talking to her. "I'm sure it would be ok for you to see him later tonight, just for a little while. If you want to!" Shane sounds relieved. "That would be great, Mrs Chase. I'll be over in a couple of hours."

Back at the hospital Robert has given Jordan one of his old tracksuits, and Angela is left to help him get ready to leave. She can't help but smile, watching him struggle to swap the hospital gown for the tracksuit bottoms, while trying desperately to cover himself from her. "Here, let me help you, Jordan!" "No! I'm ok…..owwww!" The shooting pain in his chest makes him realize he can't do this without her help. He lets her pull the bottoms up from around his ankles, and watches how she carefully guides the material over his bruised and swollen knee, and then she looks up into his eyes. Something is definitely happening between them. Jordan knows he's got to stop her there, he can't let her discover what she's doing to him. "I…uhm, I think I can manage from here, thanks babe!"

Angela pulls back a bit, trying to cope with the fact that every time they touch it feels like electricity shooting up and down her body. She has always been kind of lost whenever Jordan was around, but this is like so different. "Uhm…Angela, could you help me with the sweater too…" He's not looking her in the eyes. "Sure!" Angela for the first time sees how bad his ribcage is looking, and how skinny he's gotten. It reminds her once again of what he's been through, and she has to swallow hard to stop herself from crying. She gently eases the sweater over his head, and they end up facing each other. This time he can't help himself, he has to look into her eyes. She's so close to him. "Is that ok?" Angela asks huskily. Jordan leans closer to her. "Yeah, just perfect!" It had to happen, they both knew it. Even with him in this weakened state, the kiss was amazing.

"What's taking Robert so long?" Angela walks over to the door to have a look out in the hallway. Jordan is starting to feel kind of dizzy. He can now feel Angelas eyes on him, all concerned and worried, like she thinks he's going to pass out any second. He just can't help but wonder if he'll ever feel like he deserves having someone as wonderful as her in his life. Asking for help to get dressed had felt, well…awkward to say the least. The good thing to come out of it though was the most amazing kiss he had ever had. Now he's starting to think maybe he had overdone it slightly, he's not feeling well at all.

Robert finally enters with a wheelchair. "Ok, ready to go, then?" He smiles. Jordan looks from the doctor to the chair and shakes his head. "No way I'm going in that thing!" He slides his body out onto the edge of the bed, gently placing his feet on the floor. Angela raises her eyebrows slightly at Robert, before moving a few steps closer to Jordan. Slowly he stands up, concentrating on breathing calmly, to stop the room from spinning. Both sets of eyes are on him, making him feel uncomfortable, like they are just waiting for him to give in, so that they can say "I told you so!" Jordan attempts taking a staggering step forward, but putting weight on his bad knee almost makes him fall over, and a muffled moan escapes his lips.

Angela puts her arms around Jordan to steady him. "You've got to be more careful, baby! I don't want you to like cause yourself any more pain!" Still holding him, she turns her head to have Robert bring the wheelchair over. "You're not superman, you know, Jordan." Remarks the doctor jokingly. Jordan knows they both mean well, but can't help but feel ashamed of himself, he has always had to make it on his own, and the words of his father, no matter how unreasonable, still lingers in the room; He's a wuss, a weak little bastard. He allows Angela to gently lower him down in the chair.

Jordan doesn't say a word as they wheel him down to the car, just keeps his head tilted forward making hair cover his face again. The only reaction they get is a slight wince when manoeuvring him into the vehicle. Angela gets in the backseat with him. She knows that something is bothering him, and takes hold of his hand, stroking it softly, lovingly. What she really wants is to pull him into an embrace, but she doesn't dare, since that would most probably just cause his bruised ribs more pain. The feeling that he's closing up again, not letting her in is frustrating, she really thought they were past that after everything that had happened today. Jordan lets out a sigh, and Angela turns to look at him. His head's leaning back, and his eyes are closed, a troubled expression on his pale face. "Jordan, are you ok, baby?" She leans over, whispering in his ear. He shakes his head almost unnoticeable. "Is there anything I can do?" His eyes suddenly open and fix straight onto hers, he swallows. "Just stay with me…" Angela can barely hear him, however the words give her new courage, and she moves closer, still holding his hand.

Robert watches them in the rearview mirror. He's relieved to see that Angela seems to get through to this poor kid over and over again. He just hopes she won't give up on him, it's going to be a long, slow process to get Jordan to start trusting people again, let alone believing in himself and his own worth.

"What's going on over at Angelas?" Rayanne has placed herself on the windowsill, with a bottle of water in her hand. "Bri!" Brian slowly opens his eyes, he's still in bed, still hung over from yesterday even if it's afternoon by now. "Oww, my head! What?" She jumps of the sill and crawls back into bed with him. "My poor little Bri! Do you want me to try and make you feel better?" Her hands start rubbing his temple, gently. "It's just a lot of people over at Angelas." Brian squints up at her. "What do you mean lots of people?" Rayanne shrugs, "Just this kind of huge car, and Pattie running in and out like crazy." Brian removes himself from her hands and gets up and over to the window. "What the hell…." Unusually strong words from him, and Rayanne jumps out of bed to stand next to him. "Isn't that…." "Jordan Catalano?!" They say his name at the same time, both looking at the strange company outside the Chase house.

Robert has gotten out of the car, and rubs the back of his head thoughtfully. The bump is aching like crazy, he really needs to get some rest, but first they have to get Jordan settled in. Pattie has been in and out of the house a few times already, obviously a tiny bit stressed out over the whole situation. They manage to get Jordan out and up on his feet, and with Angela on one side and Robert on the other for support, they slowly start walking up to the front door.

"What the hell has happened to him?" Rayanne returns to the bed. "He looked like…" She tries to catch Brians eyes, but he's still staring out of the window. A frown on his forehead. "Bri? You're still kind of hung up on her, aren't you?" The sorrow in her voice makes him turn around. "What? No!" Forgetting his headache and the strange scene next door he quickly walks over and sits down pulling her into an embrace. This wounerable side to Rayanne is something he has only experienced this last day and night. It's strange, but Brian feels like for the first time someone really needs him, like for him, not because they want him to tutor them or do their homework even. "But you love her!" Rayanne sobs and presses herself closer to his chest. "Well, yeah, I kind of do, I guess, but I love you too!" "Wow!" She pulls back to look at him, tears glittering in her eyelashes. "Big words, Bri! Big words!" Brian looks at her confused, he really thought that that was what she wanted to hear. "But it's true…. I've never shared with anyone what we had last night!" Rayanne continues to look at him, there's still sadness in her eyes. "I know, I've never had an experience like that with anyone before either….but I realize, I can never compete with Angela in any way, not with Rickie, not with Jordan and certainly not with you. That makes me sad. Not that I want to compete, or beat her at anything, I just wish that people would see that I'm an actual person too, like with feelings…." She looks completely like a lost little girl, her wearing one of Brians t-shirts just adding to that impression.

Brian can't stop looking at her, it's like hearing his own thoughts. Who would have thought that Rayanne Graff of all people was lonely? They both are, for slightly different reasons, but still. He leans over to place a kiss on her forehead, surprising her with his affection. "You might not believe me, Rayanne, but I do know how you feel, and with me you will never have to compete with anyone." He can feel her smiling against his chest, and before he knows it, her hands are right back there, where no one but she has touched him, driving him mad all over again.

Pattie holds the door open as her daughter and Robert carefully walk Jordan into the house. "So far so good, eh, son?" Robert smiles at Jordan, but doesn't realize that every time he calls him "son", Jordans heart beaks. "Yeah, fine. Great." Jordan doesn't know how much longer he can take having to play the invalid. He hates it, he should be so much stronger than this…maybe his dad was right about him after all, no matter what Angela or Robert says. They just don't know. "Only the stairs now Jordan." He looks up at Patties smile and weakly returns it. Robert surveys the stairs and sighs. "I think this is gonna hurt you a bit now…" He is right. Every step up he took, Jordan winced in pain.

"This is so ironic…" Jordan muttered under his breathe. This was so not how he imagined his first walk up to Angelas bedroom would be! "What honey?" Angelas concern is obvious in her question. "Oh, it's nothing…jees, I never knew you had so many stairs!" He tries to joke it away, to hide how bad he's really feeling. She smiles at him, and for a moment he can forget his pain, she always does that, make him feel better. With a great deal of shame Jordan recalls the last time he was in this house, it was when he was breaking up with her after she didn't want to sleep with him. He can't believe how stupid he had been back then, how much he must have hurt her with his words, implying that she wasn't normal if she didn't want to have sex. What about giving her time, wait until she was ready, the whole sex-issue seems so unimportant now. How could he have expected her to want her first time to be in a place like that house, and how could he have even thought about bringing her there, she deserves like, so much better, so much better than him, really. Thinking about it, how could he even have expected her to want her first time to be with someone like him.

A sudden feeling of fatigue attacks him, and the few remaining steps seem like the height of Mount Everest. Jordan grits his teeth, he doesn't know what's worst, the physical pain, or the torturing thoughts, his fathers words on one side, Roberts words, and Angelas concerned eyes on the other. He's too tired, his mind keep flipping from one thing to another, not able to stick to one thought for more than a split second, it's making him confused and dizzy. Robert catches him just as his legs start to give in under him. "Jordan!" Angela cries out, trying to support them the best she can. "Don't worry, Angela, he's just exhausted. We need to get him into bed. I think I can manage carrying him, if you just lead the way."

Angela opens the door to her room and sees that her mum has already pulled aside the bedcover. Robert places Jordan gently on the bed, and turns to Angela. "Would you mind getting a glass of water, and maybe a damp cloth to wipe his face with, somebody looks like they have been exercising." She shoots a worried glance in Jordans direction, then hurries down to the kitchen.

Jordans eyes are dull, and his eyelids are heavy. Robert helps him out of the tracksuit, leaving him only in his boxers, before getting him comfortable resting against the fluffy pillows. "You ok, son?" He asks placing a hand on his brow, feeling his temperature. "Please…." Jordan clears his throat and tries again, "Please don't call me that!" Even with a voice that's racked with pain and exhaustion, Robert has no problem catching the sorrow in it. "Call you what, Jordan?" "Son!" Jordan whispers in reply, trying to focus on the, now obviously confused, doctor, immediately feeling guilty. Robert had been nothing but nice to him, but this "son" thing, he just couldn't take it anymore… Despite the fact that the room is now starting to spin. Jordan needs to continue, to explain; "Uhm, it's just, I wish I was nobodys son right now… I'm sorry…" "It's ok, Jordan, don't worry, I think I understand." Robert smiles reassuringly and pats his hand. "Try to get some rest now, you need it. Maybe you'll feel a bit better afterwards." He tucks Jordan in, and leaves the room, running into Angela at the top of the stairs. "I think after you've given him a drink, you should maybe leave him to rest for a little while, he's completely exhausted." Angela nods, still with the same concerned looks on her face as before.

The sight of Jordan lying in her bed, seeing his bare chest only partially covered by her blankets, makes her inside tremble slightly. She has been head over heels in love with him for so long, it seems like forever. There was a time when she had dreamed about him just looking at her, talking to her, kissing her, now she's got all that, and more. Somehow the immature infatuation has faded, something so much bigger has taken its place, consuming her whole being. Angela just wants to keep him safe, make sure nothing or no one ever hurts him again.

He must be asleep. Angela walks over and places the glass of water on the bedside table, she doesn't really know what to with the damp cloth, though. The sweat on his forehead has dried off, leaving his fringe kind of stuck to his skin, and he looks really hot, like his fever is rising again. She's looking at the cloth in her hand, feeling the coldness of it, then suddenly she finds herself gently wiping his face with it.

"Angela?" She jerks back. "Uhm, sorry, I didn't mean to like wake you, I…" Jordan slowly opens his eyes. "I wasn't really sleeping…that feels good…" He lifts one hand and puts it on top of hers, leading the cloth back up to his forehead. Angela has to remind herself to breathe. After a little while Jordans hans slowly falls from hers, and rests peacefully on the bed. She realises he must have fallen asleep.

"You wouldn't have an aspirin or something, would you?" Robert is rubbing the back of his head again. Pattie catches one glimpse of his strained expression and her motherly instinct completely take over. "Oh you poor thing! You look completely exhausted! Go sit down, I'll get you a drink, and I'm sure I have some aspirin in the bathroom." Pattie is back before he has a chance to settle into the sofa, with what looks like a glass of whiskey, and a couple of aspirins. "Guess you doctors don't like mixing these two, but I really think you need both. If you want though, I'll get you some water too? How's the head?" Robert sighs, "Aching like crazy, but I'll be ok! I've been worse!" He looks around. "You have a lovely house Mrs Chase!" "Oh, please, call me Pattie!" She smiles warmly at him, and he finds himself blushing slightly. "Uhm, so where's your husband by the way?" It's like Patties face cloud over, and he fears she is going to cry. Somehow he's not sure if he can handle that right now.

Pattie pulls herself together, and hopes that her lie isn't too obvious. "Uhm, he had to go away on business." Robert senses that there might be more to it than just a business trip, but doesn't think it's his place to ask. He finishes his drink, and Pattie immediately offers him another one. "Could I borrow the phone for a second? I have to have Allison come pick me up, I completely forgot that I was driving…." He laughs. "This day has gotten to us all, in a way, I think!" Pattie nods and points in the direction of the phone. "Just help yourself!"

"Where's dad? And Danielle?" Angela enters the room. "Are you like, drinking? You never do that!" Pattie is saved by the doorbell. "That must be Jordans friend, Shane, I said it was ok for him to come over to see him, just for a little while. I think he was kind of worried." She gets up off the couch, "Your dad's off with Hallie fixing something for the restaurant, Danielle's at a friends for the night, and I really needed that drink! I am old enough you know!" Angela thinks her mother is acting kind of weird, but then again, she has never been much of a drinker, and the few times she's seen Pattie take a drink or two she's always been a bit odd. "Shane!" Pattie greets him like an old friend, and Angela can't help being slightly embarrassed, she rushes over and hugs him. "I'll take you upstairs. Don't know if Jordan is awake, though!" "Nice to meet you, Mrs Chase!" Shane says over his shoulder, as Angela drags him away. "Sorry for that, it's been a long day, and I think she's like a bit stressed. She's normally not that friendly…" Angela giggles. Seeing Shane again has put her in a good mood, and the fact that Jordan Catalano is actually still in her bed, doesn't make it any worse.

"So, what happened? How did Catalano end up here?" Angela sighs and shakes her head. "Long story!" "You gonna tell me?" Shane smiles. Again she's almost amazed at the thought that he's talking to her, treating her like a real person. She gives him the short version, leaving out most of the stuff with his father, not sure what Jordan would want her to say, and how much Shane already knows about it. "Wow, poor Jordan!" Shane looks sad. "I should have done something!" Angela opens the door and lets him in. He throws one look at his friend and bursts out. "Oh my god, he looks like shit!" Shane turns to look Angela straight into the eyes. "Good thing he's got you! You're amazing, you know that!" She blushes and walks in through the open door.

Jordan has no idea of how long he's been asleep, when the sound of voices wake him. His head feels like it has been stuffed with cotton, and at first he can't seem to figure out who the voices belong to, but soon recognize Angela and Shane. "You're amazing, you know that!" Jordan suddenly feels like he's been kicked in the stomach. Now he remembers…the scene from Tinos party. Angela and Shane, it's all coming back to him. How could he have forgotten? He feels so stupid, so confused, so betrayed. Is she just being nice to him out of pity? Jordan needs to ask what's really going on here, but feels sick at the thought of the answers he might get. Hell, Shane knows how Jordan feels about Angela, how could he do this to him!

Angela sits down at his bedside, and whispers softly to him. "Jordan, baby, are you awake?" For a little while he considers the option of pretending to be asleep, but the word "baby" makes him clench his teeth, and she notices. "Shane's here!" "Like I didn't know!" He thinks to himself, before slowly opening his eyes, and putting on a fake smile. "Yo, man! You really look like shit!" Shane makes his way over to the bed, to stand behind Angela, placing one hand on her shoulder. "Thanks…." Jordan tries to return the joke, but most of all he wants to spit the word back in Shanes face. Looking at him, touching her like that, kind of familiar manner. "Look, if the two of you would want to go do something, like together, you know, like, to be alone and stuff, I really wouldn't mind, I'm kind of tired anyway…" So there, he said it. Actually managing to sound quite normal.

"What, why would we like want to be alone?" The confusion in Angelas voice seems real. "I don't know…" Jordan tries to shrug, but ends up wincing instead from the pain in his ribs. She turns to look up at Shane, seeing he is as confused as her. "Why would we want to do stuff, that we can't do here? Catalano, what are you talking about?" Jordan forces his eyes wide open. "You think I'm stupid, both of you, I saw you at Tino's party, and I so don't need your pity!" He turns his head to look the other way, but feel kind of trapped since he's unable to get out of the bed. It's like being back at the hospital, being confronted by Robert, only this is even worse.

"We don't think you're stupid, Jordan!" Angela and Shane replied simultaneously. Jordan turns back, really looking tired now. "So what do you think then, I mean I'm not blind! I know what's going on between the two of you!" "Between the two of us?" Shane looks like he's going to fall down, his eyes are wide open and he's shaking his head. "You thought that Angela and I….that we….. Seriously?" Jordan is starting to look a bit confused too now. "She's a sweetheart, I have to say, but I don't think of her like that. Besides even if I did, I know how you feel about her, man, I would never…" "But at the party, I saw you on the dance floor…" Jordans eyes are starting to glisten slightly. Angela has been quiet for a while, she now takes Jordans hand between hers. "What you saw, baby, was us trying to figure out how to help you! Jeez, Jordan! I know you probably don't want to hear this, but we both love you!" Shane shuffles a little, looking uncomfortable as Angela turns to him, looking for backup. "Yeah, you know, like, well, you're my best buddy and all… I mean, hell, Jordan, you're like a brother to me man!"

"Oh…." It's all Jordan can manage at the moment. He feels so incredibly stupid. Shane leans down to give him a quick hug, it gets kind of awkward since Jordan isn't able to get up, and Angela is watching them, but still a hug. "Look, guys, I have to leave now, my dad's waiting in the car. But I'll be back on Monday, ok, man?" Jordan just nods, not trusting his voice enough to try to speak. "Bye Angela!" Shane waves from the doorway, not wanting to give Jordan any more stupid ideas.

"I can't believe you actually thought that me and Shane like…" Angela giggles. "I'm sorry…" Jordan whispers. "Noooo, don't be! I think it's like kind of cute that you were like, jealous…" She puts her hand to his cheek. "Are you very tired?" The look in his eyes doesn't need explaining, he's exhausted. "Stay with me…please!" Angela leans over and kisses him gently. "Ok, but only if you promise to try and get some sleep!" Carefully Jordan slides over a bit on the bed, making room for her. She lies down beside him, and realizes that she's dead tired too. Just as she drifts off, she feels how Jordan takes her hand, squeezing it hard. "Thank you…"

Shane gets in the car. "Sorry you had to wait, dad!" His father doesn't seem to mind much, as he is just finishing off a conversation on his mobile. "Sure, Gino! I'll just drop Shane off at home first. He's been to see Jordan. Good thing that Chase family offered look after him while you are at work, right…."


End file.
